Pondering Weak and Weary on This Midnight Dreary

It is a bit funny how everything speaks to me. Everyday things happen, whether great or small, that affect me in some manner, teaching me some type of lesson. Inspiration is always dancing around me without end. I don't mind it at all, but sometimes I think it is all I will ever have. There is a mark of loneliness that has branded my soul. Assuredly God is always at my side, but the human soul yearns for another made of the same flesh and blood.

Benjamin Franklin gave a quote in "Poor Richard's Almanac" that says "God helps them who help themselves." Some make efforts to discredit that phrase, saying that it is better to trust in the Lord than to trust in man, and like Scriptures - and indeed those things are true. However, in Franklin's defense, I believe that his quote is somewhat misinterpreted. In my opinion, his quote appears to be addressing the issue of laziness. Surely, in the helpless state of man, God will come to the rescue, but there are other situations in which man isn't helpless. I'd like to call your attention to the Bible's book of James, chapter two, verses 15-17 - "If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. "

After reading those verses for myself, it seems Franklin's quote should be revised like so: "God helps them who help OTHERS." Essentially, both the original and revised quotes somewhat exemplify the concept of faith without works being dead.

I question my reasoning for bringing the quote up in the first place, but nonetheless, let's move on - shall we?

Once college is done and I return home, I will have little to no idea what to do with my life. Of course, I have my goals and ambitions, but none of them earn me a salary or a consistent payroll, at least not right away. Those may take years. Anyway, the idea of a permanent full-time job sickens me, I must say. I really can't imagine myself coming back to a life of monotony. In most cases, judging solely from my observations, careers are generally either tolerable or very boring. The latter is probably destined for me. From what I know, the areas in which I am talented in would only bring financial income if I was to become famous. Even in that case, I doubt I possess the personality for that sort of endeavor. My demeanor is generally subdued, shy, and often forlorn.

On a more positive note, I don't require much to live. The basic necessities of life are all I truly need - food, shelter, water, clothing, etc. I can do without television (which I have for several years already). Internet isn't a necessity, but it's obvious I'm rather addicted to it. I can easily resort to doing what I did back at college when they didn't have wireless fidelity hooked up - go to the local library. Oh, which reminds me . . . . Rhonda the Honda needs petroleum, oil changes, and occasional maintenance as long as I continue to travel various places.

Materialism isn't something that affects me. One could blame that on my previous religion (New Age) in which I practiced Feng Shui, which teaches the practice of de-cluttering. I just don't like having a lot of stuff around and getting attached to it.

Probably the thing I fear most about the future is being lonely. After living with myself for the past 22+ years, I know fairly well how I operate. Most of my affairs are kept private - (And no, I'm not talking about love affairs. Everyone always knows about those :-P Hahaha, just kidding) I'm a minority in a TREMENDOUS amount of ways . . . . . seriously. It is nearly impossible to even try to liken me to any kind of stereotype. A few people have said to me that I defy all labels.

Of course, thinking of all this is futile. Perhaps it is far too early to think of these things. I've got several months . . . well, five. Hmmm.

Continue to teach me Thy ways, O sovereign God.

Heart to Hearts

As I daily walk amongst crowds of people, whether big or small, something lurks among them that I've never known. It is common in every era - perhaps a given. Very few people, if any, fail to engage in this type of thing. It is something I've never understood. Perhaps this is something I'll never understand, unless God will perform the miraculous. I am speaking of human relations.

In all walks of life, there are friendships and relationships. I'm afraid I do not understand either. In no way do I deny possessing friendships; however, it is no secret that I'm no expert at it. Keeping healthy relationships between me and other people, whether family or not, is my greatest weakness. For whatever reason, it is one of the least of my priorities. I cannot figure out why. Surely, people love me, and yes, I love people, but there is so much distance between me and them that I subconsciously demand.

There was a vast time in my life when I desperately craved closeness with certain people. For a while, it was a romantic impulse of a young and naive man, but it was more for the mere companionship than anything else. Now that I am older and wiser, the less I crave these sorts of things. In my bouts of solitude, I am fairly content. Occasionally, I am disturbed when my solitude is broken. Other times, it bothers me not.

It's very difficult for me to get attached to people. Someone can be my best friend in one spur of the moment, and me their best friend as well, but once they are out of sight, they are out of my mind. When they confess feelings of disappointment and brokenheartedness due to my reluctance of keeping in contact with them, I become highly confused. I don't understand this emotional attachment.

Perhaps I am calloused.

The current world is full of conditional love. Perhaps this was what I was accustomed to all along. People always compliment me on my talents, integrity, and what not, but it always leaves me feeling highly embarrassed, even ashamed. What really gets me is when people casually mention something along the lines of, "I wish I was as good as you." It puts me on somewhat of a guilt trip. Something about that makes me feel rotten inside. Perhaps our priorities were just different. While others were joyfully playing outside with friends, I was inside alone tickling away at the piano somberly. While others were joined around a campfire, singing refrains of Kum-Ba-Yah, I was sitting on my bed alone with my nose in a book. Knowledge, wisdom, and persistence were my friends growing up. Now that I am older, they have stuck with me. I've grown attached to them. Jesus came one day and overtook much of the equation. Once He stepped into the picture, I became a whole lot closer to my three other non-human friends. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge.

For whatever reason, I have little to no desire to be closer to anyone. I'm satisfied with keeping feelings to myself. I'm satisfied with the help I can give myself when I am down. I'm satisfied with my own friendship when I am lonely; But there is one thing I'm not satisfied with.

My biggest dream is to see the world changed by God's love and infinite mercy. I want to see signs, wonders, and miracles take place. There is not one doubt in my mind that they can and will happen. I'm extremely confident in my faith. However, love is greater than faith (1 Corinthians 13:13). And faith works by love (Galatians 5:6).

Since I'm satisfied with being a loner, does this mean I don't care about anyone else? Since I'm satisfied with the distance I keep between people, does this mean I don't love anyone? My mind is filled with questions yet to be answered.

I know I must care about people since my heart breaks whenever I see another's despair. It is also in that point when fear and the uncertainty of knowing what to do grip me. Despair is where the human soul emerges. Whenever a human soul emerges, my body tenses up. A hurting soul does not yearn for one's professionalism, uprightness, and etiquette - as such I flaunt in vain. It yearns for love: something I've never enjoyed expressing.

Surely God will soon answer these questions and bring me around. I'd rather have my mind filled with questions than to become steadfast on a guess, deceiving myself, preventing myself from ever coming to the knowledge of the truth. I pray the Lord would never allow me to think I'm right when I'm not right. We must learn to love His chastisement. "The LORD hath chastened me sore: but he hath not given me over unto death" (Psalm 118:18) If I am ever in the wrong, may the Lord be quick to correct me.

This blog was mainly for my own personal benefit (most of them are), seeing my thoughts on "digi-paper," but I enjoy sharing my thoughts with the public that they might possibly see themselves in my shoes. While I may feel like an outsider, wandering as a vagabond, I know I am still human. My thoughts may carry me miles down roads less-traveled (or never traveled), but I am never able to jump out of God's control.

May goodness and mercy follow us all the days of our lives.

The end.

Key of Life

This blog will be more of a diary-like ambiance rather than my usual teachings/sermons.

There was a question that was asked at church today, right before altar call. The pastor inquired of the congregation: "How many of you think that life is hard? Raise your hand." From where I was standing, on the platform as a praise singer, it seemed that everyone raised their hand, including the pastor. However, for whatever reason, I couldn't bring myself to raise my hand. It seemed I was the only one who remained idle after this question was asked. A few minutes later, he again asked the same question. I, again, had my hand at my side, feeling slightly awkward at the strange looks I was getting.

The response shocked me.

Am I really the only one who doesn't think life is difficult? I had thought it was at one point, but then as life went on, things became much easier as I grew in the Lord. Am I in the wrong to have kept my hands at my sides? Was I just kidding myself?

As I think about all the things in my life, I see nothing but good. My future is rather bright. Yes, there are a few things in my life that many would see as fairly troublesome, but I've learned to be happy despite what goes on. Is it merely my perspective on life that makes it easy? There isn't a doubt in my mind that all things work together for the good to them that love God. Let us look at ourselves. Do we, deeply in our heart of hearts, sincerely love God? It will show by our actions.

By nature, I am a loner. Does that bother me? No. I enjoy living this way. In essence, I'm not really a loner, for Jesus always walks with me.

I believe that what would make life easy is to have the favor of God upon one's life. Is Jesus involved in every aspect of our lives? Are we fully conscious that Jesus knows our minds and what they think? He knows everything. We might as well acknowledge everything that goes on. Some of us open up wide to humans, telling them everything, yet neglect talking about stuff with God. Perhaps we put our trust in people too much. "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." (Psalm 118:8).

Allow me to be transparent.

I've NEVER trusted another human being before. This is just the way I am. I always expect people to fail, mistreat me, use me, etc. If we hold people up to certain standards of perfection, then yes, I can see why life would be difficult. I cannot count how many times I've watched people freak out in front of me simply because they had made a mistake towards me. They make a big deal out of something that never even phased me. It's never been in me to hold grudges or to withhold forgiveness. Whenever I was down, it wasn't another human being that lifted me up, but rather it was God and myself. Consider 1 Samuel 30:6 - " . . . but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God."

As I travel from church to church, it's easy for me to determine where they're at in God. Some miss His plans by miles; others are right on target. That's the overall spirit of a church, but the overall is made up of many individuals.

There is a certain church I know of in which the overall spirit of it is full of doubt and despair. For years, I've watched the same people "cry on God's shoulder" at altar call every Sunday morning, yet neglect to change their own lives. They deal with the same problems, the same hurts, same struggles, and they lack progression. There have even been times when some have acknowledged this and proceeded to give an irrational rant against the devil doing a work in the church.

It's not the devil's fault. It's our fault.

Galatians 5 mentions works of the flesh. These aren't works of the devil, but of our own selves. The devil cannot control our flesh. God cannot control our flesh UNLESS we give Him permission. If we desperately love Jesus, then we are His. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. The works of the flesh are adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness (promiscuity), idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance (arguing, discord, disunity), emulations (jealousy), wrath, strife, seditions (rebellion), heresies (nonconformity), envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings (wild parties), and such like. Verse 21 goes on to say that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

These are things only we can fix ourselves. If we have desires to partake in any of these ungodly matters, we must talk to Jesus about it. We should ask Him what the main cause of our desire is, that we may go about fixing it. Many of these things are performed out of human instinct in order to relieve inner pain and hurt.

If only we could have confidence in God's love for us. We should never feel ashamed before Him and when coming into His house. It is written that faith works by love (Galatians 5:6).

I think something that many churches lack is to stress on reading God's Word. Either that, or the congregation simply isn't obedient. Perhaps we need to have sessions in our churches where we all get together and just read portions of the Bible. We must somehow bring understanding of it in our heads. If we don't understand it, we must either pray for the understanding, or find someone who does understand (someone whose possesses much Spiritual fruit). It is written that when anyone hears the Word of God and doesn't understand it, the enemy comes along and plucks it out (Matthew 13:19). In the same chapter, the Bible says that there are also those who hear the Word of God, love hearing it, but don't allow it to pierce their hearts. I think these are those who think Scripture sounds pretty and pleasing to the ear, but they just brush it off and go about their day. We should learn to meditate upon Scriptures, letting them become branded upon our hearts and minds, that the enemy may not persuade us otherwise. If we don't let it develop roots in us, then when tribulation or persecution come our way, we are offended. There are also those who hear it, but the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and we become unfruitful.

We must get this Word of God in our heads and hearts. We must do the things it ought us to do. Jesus said that if we love Him, then we will keep His commandments. If we aren't obedient, then we sever ourselves from Love itself. Without love, we are nothing. Obedience to God is the key of a blessed life.

Jesus, have your way in us.

Pièce de Résistance de Dieu

(Masterpiece of God)

It used to bother me that I was different, but now my perspective has changed. I no longer see my peculiarities as defects, but rather as blessings and as definitions of my character. If I was a sculpture, I would consider myself beautifully bizarre or sensationally surreal. Those of you who know me know that I've had very low esteem and very little confidence for all of my life. For me to say these things and the things I'm about to say is very difficult.

This blog is an effort to encourage myself, perhaps others.

Life has always consisted of me contradicting everyone. I never did it on purpose; it was just who I was. Clicking with people was always a failed attempt. The status quo simply never interested me.

As of now, I have found myself to be a mixture of many stereotypical crowds. You may have read my blog in which I elaborated on the quote, "Birds of a feather flock together." My plumage is of every color. I'd even go as far as to say that I'm a combination of both genders, personality-wise of course.

Many say that one's soul is without gender. If this is true, God has no gender either. Lately, I've been doing some intense studying regarding androgyny. There are theories out there that Adam, the first man, was actually androgynous (both male and female). When God took Eve out of his side, He took the female aspects out of him and formed them into a person. Then there was both male and female. Also consider that when two marry, they "become one flesh." This is a very interesting study. Apparently, Jews believe that God has no gender. They've always referred to G-d as a "He," because of the principles of the Hebrew language. Masculine terminology was given to things that were strong, unbreakable, and resilient. Feminine terminology was seen as weak, breakable, and frail. Also consider that the man was created as the head of the family. Referring to the Lord as a male gender may simply be an anthropomorphism, which is the application of human characteristics to a non-human object in attempts to better explain it in a more understandable way. The Bible says that God created man in His own image. If Adam was androgynous, then so was God. Even later on in Genesis, it says this: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." Men and women are in God's image. This is a very interesting topic. Of course, it is only a theory, as far as I'm concerned. I'd like to talk to a devout Jew regarding this.

Anyway, I remember learning in a few classes the differences between the way male and female brains think. In addition, I read much of John Gray's "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." At these points of my education, I found myself to equate more with the female way of thinking. It has always been that way with me. It is generally understood that one becomes like the ones he surrounds himself with. I grew up hanging out with girls, and my mom was the main individual to raise me. Hanging out with guys didn't really happen until I went to college. I'm at a point now in my life where I can pretty much hang out with anyone and be okay with it. My mind is much more of a neutral gender now.

It is very easy for me to catch people off guard and completely boggle them. I do it just by being me, lol. These past several months, I've learned to embrace myself as a creation of God. He made me who I am for a reason. If He wishes to make changes, I will let Him. People can say all sorts of things, judging me and my persona, but may God have the final say. As far as my own say, my persona is regarded as highly unusual, old-fashioned, taboo even, at least in America. In foreign countries, I could be regarded as normal. It's all a matter of one's perspective and cultural upbringing.

I encourage you, even DARE you to be bold and to do the things you've always wanted to do (as long as they're not sinful) and to be the person you've always wanted to be. Don't let the opinions of others, whether positive or negative, affect who you are. The only individual's whose opinion you should care about is God's, for He created you and your identity.

The world is full of chaos, confusion, and despair. Peer pressure is one of its deadliest poisons that many are forced to ingest. Don't let yourself fall for it.

". . . whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8)

In the Presence of the King

Today was a very somber day for me. Perhaps many will relate to this. Last night, God exposed flaws in me, through the lips of another person, therefore, showing me clogs in the vessel He is supposed to flow through. In our feeble human minds, we tend to think we're either not good enough for God or we're too good for God. We either shun Him for feeling ashamed of all our flaws and such, or we shun Him thinking that we don't need Him. All this is usually done without realizing it.

The prime goal is to maintain a balance between the two, including God in the equation. Doing works for His kingdom is a team effort. We must be confident in His love for us, yet also be subordinate, knowing our place. Since the Church is the fiancee of Christ, many of us are guilty of spiritual feminism, if you will, attempting to rise above the Husband.

Jesus has never been a male chauvinist, but rather the perfect gentlemen. Women will naturally take dominion in a household when the men don't fulfill their own duties or even show love to their wives. Women usually have no problem submitting to their husbands as long as they are fulfilling their God-given duties and loving their wives. This is just the way things are by nature.

Anyway . . . it was pointed out to me by God that I had often committed a sin which I didn't realize I was committing. Many of us do this. It's doing things our own way, opposing any of God's ways. It is written that He will beautify the meek with salvation. I wasn't being meek, but rather insubordinate. Therefore, I was ugly.

After much self-induced guilt and shame all day, the King of all kings stepped off His throne, walked down a heavenly staircase, and stepped into my presence. I, a fallen man, was shown love and comfort by a merciful King. I was in my car on my way home from work when this happened. The song "Falling in Love with Jesus" had just come on on the radio. I felt the Spirit of the Lord enter my car; it overwhelmed me. My composure slipped away from me as I began to cry out. All I could do was speak in tongues loudly for several minutes. When I pulled in my garage, I raised my hands and closed my eyes. My entire face became soaked with tears as Jesus made Himself known in the presence of a lowly servant such as me. (It is also written that He calls us not servants, but friends.) I fell into somewhat of a trance-like state, forgetting where I was. The only thing going through my mind was Psalm 51, specifically the verses that say, "Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation," and "Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice."

A few minutes later, I opened my eyes to a dark garage.

I entered into my home feeling refreshed. How great is this King's mercy! How great is His love! Let us rejoice in His name! I have never been one to celebrate anything, but this Jesus instills such excitement in me that I can't possibly contain myself. Nothing in this world even compares. Nothing in this world has ever even come remotely close to doing that sort of thing to me.

O that we would all often experience divine encounters with the King of kings.

O taste and see that the Lord is indeed good!

:-)

Hidden Veins of Love

Yesterday, National Geographic launched a video on YouTube featuring a documentary on the survivors of the San Francisco earthquake of 1989. It's a 45-minute long video which I'd recommend to anyone. I had other plans at the point in time before I watched the video, but this video so got my attention that I quickly shoved my plans to the side [which weren't necessarily priorities.] Something struck me very deeply.

We so often go about our daily routines, not expecting a thing, until disaster strikes on an ordinary day. Due to the surprise factor, our mere human minds are unable to simultaneously absorb the reality of the situation and gain the insight as to what to do. I've always heard it said that what happens in the temporal world is a reflection of what happens in the spiritual world. Whether that is true or not, I do not know, it does appear to be true. If anyone has any Biblical support on that, I'd be much obliged if you'd share. Anyway - disaster destroys much more than merely what is seen. It also destroys our routines, some of our lives, our happiness, our feelings of security, etc. But on a more positive note, it also destroys our inhibitions, our hatred for others, our false fronts, our selfishness, and even our doubts of the impossible being done.

Why is it that it takes a tragedy in order for reality to emerge? Life problems suddenly become void when disaster strikes. Essentially, everyone becomes the same. The only thing we have on own minds is to fight for life itself, whether it is our own or another's. It isn't uncommon to see someone save the life of his or her worst enemy in this situation. The levels of love and compassion are immensely raised. It is in this environment where even the most shy and introverted person will cry out for help and will put all of his or her trust in a complete stranger off the street.

Why can't we live this way normally?

People experience mixed emotions when they hear of apocalyptic events. For some it may be anger. Why would God do such a thing to destroy innocent lives? There is something not many think about or even realize. God gave life. What's wrong with Him taking it away? We may think that our lives are solely our own, but they're really not. How we live our lives is our own choice, but who are we to not include the One who gave us life in our life? It's thievery.

There is but one thing that God really desires. That is love, which comes in different facets. God wants to be loved by us, He wants us to love others, and He wants us to allow ourselves to be loved by Him. It is very evident in this world today that love is rare. Since God is love, this world is becoming more and more Godless. As that happens, the God who created this world will destroy it because it had nothing to do with Him anymore.

We all want to be loved, but it impossible for us to feel loved unless we love first. If any enemy of ours loved us, we'd feel disgusted, would we not? Their love would mean nothing to us. Our hatred for them blocks out their love, making it void The same goes with God. If we don't love God, we won't even notice His love for us. It's all about mutuality. If you want God to work in your life, then show it by expressing your love for Him at all times. Show it by your lifestyle; For it is written, "The Father hath not left me alone, for I do always those things that please Him." (John 8:29)

Hear it from my own human standpoint: be a lover of God and of all people, bar none (no exceptions), before you will be cursed. As this world comes to a conclusion, even as we speak, disaster will strike more and more often, behold, even more intensely than of years past. If those are the only environments when love emerges from us, then that is the environment we will live in. Let us change our wicked ways lest disaster comes to us.

I end this by saying that God only uses disaster as a last resort. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Any child of God has nothing to fear.

A Failing Nation

It is very difficult for God to have His way in America. Why is that? Because we are the most SELFISH nation in the world.

It is easiest for God to move in an atmosphere that is attractive for Him. He is attracted to loving homes, broken hearts, etc. Anything that involves genuine love, God will be attracted to. Overseas, in third world countries especially, people aren't worried about their appearance. They aren't striving to make it big, indulging in riches and in all the things money can buy. All they really have is each other. When a missionary exposes Jesus there, He will always move, regardless of the missionary's denomination.

God is attracted to those hungry for Him. Here in America, we are full with the junk food and filth of the world, such as fame, fortune, entertainment, narcissism, etc. Lord, if I am full on any of these things, by all means, make me to vomit it all out. We've heard the phrase "garbage in, garbage out." What we give our time and effort to is what we feed ourselves. Here in America, we feed ourselves junk food, which tastes so good but has no nutritional value whatsoever.

The only sense of freedom I enjoy here in America is the ability to worship Jesus without getting arrested. Other than that, this country is not free. This country's idea of freedom is my idea of bondage: letting everyone have their own way. I hate that. We've become a nation full of big kids. Discipline is out of the question. Obedience is optional. Thanks to this "freedom," everyone is bound by hatred, hurts caused by freedom of speech, chaos, confusion, etc. Thanks to this "freedom," there are so many voices out there saying so many different things. No one knows what to listen to. Long before my time, it would have been an honor to reside here. Now, this country disgraces me. I'm ashamed to live here. Its citizens are full of hatred and selfishness.

Behold, as the darkness gets darker, the brightness gets brighter. As with Sodom and Gomorrah, few righteous were found. If this nation doesn't shape up its act, the wrath of God will come destroy it. Yes, God is love, but there comes a time when He no longer allows people to override His grace and mercy. He is in control. If people don't admit that, then He will prove it Himself. Before God destroyed a city, out of love, He always gave people a space to repent of their wicked ways. He would send a prophet to send a warning of God's upcoming wrath on a nation. If all went well, God would change His mind. The book of Jonah comes to mind.

After God told Jonah to go to Nineveh, Jonah became scared. He tried running from the command, but God sent a big fish after him. Jonah changed his mind. He ended up going to Nineveh and warning that nation that the wrath of God was coming. They believe him. As a result they all repented. "Who can tell if God will turn and repent, and turn away from his fierce anger, that we perish not? And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not."

It is not God's will that any should perish, but that all may have everlasting life. If God didn't love Nineveh, though they were a rotten nation, He wouldn't have gone through all the trouble He did to get Jonah to come there.

I speak the truth; God will always go out of His way for you. For any one soul. It is said in the Bible that heaven is more joyful over one sinner coming to repentance than it is over having 99 righteous people that need no repentance. (Luke 15:7)

How many righteous are left in this nation? By our prayers we can change God's mind if the conditions are right. Consider Abraham when he bargained with the Lord over the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah: "And he said, Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten [righteous] shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten's sake." (Genesis 18:32)

Now I will tell you these things from an experienced heart. Repentance is a beautiful thing. It's the best feeling in the world knowing that you're right with God. If God be for us, then who can be against us? If we want to live an anointed life, having the very favor of God, having more blessings than we can imagine, repentance is the key. Repentance is the greatest privilege ever given to man. It's the beginning of a second chance. When one repents, the blood of Jesus is present to wash away the sin. The death was already taken place for our sake. Woe to those who resist it!

He who has ears, let him hear.
Mark my words: JUDGMENT IS COMING TO AMERICA; BEHOLD, EVEN THE WORLD.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus be with all.

Amen.

Venting Session #3249

It is no secret that I love to express my knowledge and wisdom of things. Sometimes I just won't shut up. Sometimes I show off. However, there is one thing that just boggles me to death. I've tried to understand it for many years, but I just can't seem to grab onto the concept. I'm talking about human relations, even human sexuality.

I've always been the quiet boy. Even now, this is how I am known. The only times I really become comfortable enough to talk is when people won't leave me alone, as far as being persistent with love goes. There are very few people who pry me. When they do, I dearly love it, unless I see a reason not to trust any of them, which is rarely the case. Also, I must feel their love and acceptance towards me regardless of anything. Everyone knows I'm a very strange individual. I must admit, at times, I will try to do anything for attention, which is wrong for me to do. It never really works anyway, lol. Most of the time, when the attention is given, I chicken out and go back into my shell of comfort.

Back in the day, loneliness used to be such a huge problem in my life. It would cause me to do the unthinkable, but now I've become rather calloused to loneliness, so it seems. I guess this is because my life is so busy now that I have a full-time job and then some. I'm never alone. Of course, I rarely talk to anyone, but even in my job setting, I'm dying to be alone. I don't know why that is. I really love being alone.

While I'm fairly teachable, I can still be fairly stubborn. Many of you always hear me say in surveys or what not that I'm going to be single the rest of my life. Well, the fact is that I can't promise myself that. I must confess that deep within my heart of hearts, I have a craving for a significant other - a human such as myself. I'm not exempt from this desire everyone has no matter how much I make myself seem to be.

It's not sex at all that I'm looking for. Honestly, I could really do without it. It's companionship I crave. It's actually a beautiful thought of two individuals together, complementing each other. I really am a hopeless romantic, lol. Though it may not be evident, I actually LOVE talking, but it's rare for me to find common ground and that level of comfort with others. Like I said, I'm a strange individual. Even with the very few people I talk to now, I hold back a lot. My mind is very deep - an abyss, if you will. Most people in this world today, from what I've noticed anyway, are very shallow and simple. While I care for these people, I'm not really interested in associating with them. Please understand that I'll listen to them, be their acquaintance, pray for them, administer to their needs, and everything like that, but they aren't ones I'd like to share my life with. I'm attracted to very deep people.

Ennh, why don't I just throw the following out there.

As far as what I look for in a significant goes, I have a rather long and detailed list. First and foremost, this person must know Jesus, or at least be very willing to get to know Him. I probably will just stay friends with this person until they know Him well enough. Our religious beliefs must be practically identical, otherwise, I want little to do with this individual. I'll just slap a list together.

MY IDEAL LOVER:
-Great confidence, yet full of humility.
-Very open-minded.
-Artistic and poetic. (Musical inclination a plus, but not required.)
-Highly intelligent.
-Avid reader or writer. Both would be amazing :-)
-A people-person.
-Accepting of all people. No exceptions.
-Polite and well-mannered. Classy, even. :-)
-Doesn't drink alcohol, smoke, or do drugs.
-Doesn't swear.
-Doesn't jump to conclusions or become paranoid.
-Obedient to God
-Creative
-A tad quirky. :-)
-Funny, yet knows when to be serious.
-Clean and godly appearance.
-Doesn't have tattoos. (Negotiable)
-Doesn't wear jewelry. (Negotiable)
-Doesn't wear make-up.
-Genuine, down-to-earth, "self-acutalized."
-Strong personality.
-Great worker, not a bum.
-Tidy, not a slob.
-Not a daredevil or show off.
-Eats healthy. (Negotiable.)
-Doesn't chew gum or mints. (Negotiable.)
-Doesn't drink soda/pop. (Negotiable.)
-Able to put up with my mood swings. (A must!) ROFL!!!!!
-Doesn't think about sex all the time. (A DEFINITE must!)
-Romantic
-Loyal and faithful
-Trustworthy
-Honest (Not only to me, but to everyone else. Same goes for last two qualities.)
-Wise as a serpent but harmless as a dove.
-Bold, not scared of anything. (Semi-negotiable, lol)
-Everything else I'm forgetting on this list, lol.

. . . and welcome to why I'm still single. :-) LOL!!!! It'd be a miracle if I ever met someone who met all my relationship standards.

I have no idea why my blog ended up going this way. I was totally aiming in a completely different direction, but now I'm too tired to go in the desired way, or even more so, remember it, lol.

I feel so awkward putting this out here in public. Eww.

Why am I so crazy?

Answer me that.

OH!!!! I remember what I wanted to say.

I really want to open up ONLY to my significant other. And I really want to open up, lol. I hate keeping all my thoughts and opinions to myself.

Oh duh, the main thing I wanted to say is that I don't know what it is, but it seems like I'm missing something. I always see how people communicate to each other and they form this undeniable connection. Whenever I attempt to have a conversation with someone, I don't experience that same connection. I can't figure out why that is. It makes me feel like I'm broken or malfunctioning. Sometimes I feel like it's because I never learned how to relate to people. Most people had a brother, sister, or parent to open up to and be themselves around, but I never had that type of family relationship. All I've ever had was myself, until Jesus came along a few years ago.

I just can't seem to connect to people.

Hmm.

Oh well.

Time for bed, Aaron, before you get yourself into trouble, lol.

When Trusting God is All We Can Do

There are times when we see God orchestrating our lives and it's obvious and sensible to us. On the contrary, there are times when nothing seems to go our way, everything's falling apart, and we wonder if God still knows what He's doing. Obviously, being omniscient, God always knows what He's doing, so these are times when all we can do is trust.

Right now, I'm in a trusting time.

In my understanding of things, it seems that trusting God is one thing, but God trusting us is an entirely different story. I think there are times when God just lays back and takes the role of a spectator, seeing how we react in situations. There are times when He speaks, and times when He is silent. As I earlier implied, God is silent to me right now. In times like this, perhaps He records whether we still make the efforts to pray, trusting that He hears us (which He does), make the efforts to abstain from sinful desires, make the efforts to read His Word, etc.

Right now, in my mere human heart, it seems that God is ignoring me right now, but logically, I understand that the heart is deceitful above all things. I've come up with a theory that where there is a lack of communication, there is inevitably a place for false assumptions to take place. That goes for jumping to conclusions as well. Emotionally, I feel like God is nowhere to be found. I feel like I've sinned such a great sin that He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I feel like I'm always alone. But none of these things are true. While my heart tells me otherwise, I know for a fact that God keeps His promises, bar none.

Heart, you're feeling lonely? Behold, I say unto you these three scriptures; "Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; even there shall thy hand lead me, and they right hand shall hold me." (Psalm 139:7-10) "The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil and the good." (Proverbs 15:3) "Am I a God at hand, saith the Lord, and not a God afar off? Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the Lord. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the Lord." (Jeremiah 23:23-24)

Heart, you're feeling you have sinned? Perhaps you have. Read Psalm 51: "Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness. O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise. For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise."

Heart, I've listened to your lies all my life until just recently. Now I'm listening to what the prophet Jeremiah, a genuine prophet of the Almighty, told me about you: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9)

"It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." (Psalm 118:8)

People may say all sorts of things to me regarding my situations in my current life, but my response is on this wise: ". . . If God be for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31) Behold, I shall endeavor to keep my soul steadfast in His promises and stand true to Him. Anointing is the favor of God. And it is the anointing that breaks the yokes of bondage. I yearn for that anointing. May our lives be full of eagerness to please Him - not ourselves, not our friends or foes, but solely Him!

"I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." (Psalm 37:25)

Living a righteous life in a corrupt world is the most difficult thing to do, but it will be worth it all in the end.

My AMAZING Day!

Seeing friends of like faith that one hasn't seen in a while is like water in a dry and thirsty land.

I spent most of the day with Becca today. We had planned on going out for lunch for Indian cuisine. Before I left to go to her house, I researched some Indian restaurants online nearby her place. The one that stood out the most was about 30 minutes away. Since it's been awhile since I've had any long-distance drive, I figured I'd go for it.

Becca and I took that journey mainly down Fond du Lac Ave. to downtown Milwaukee. Though it was mainly through the dirty parts of the city - the ghetto, if you will - it was a trip down memory lane for me. We passed the elementary school I attended from preschool to the middle of fourth grade. The playground looked so tiny, but back in the day, I remember thinking it was so huge! There were so many other places we passed that brought me back to childhood, including my former daycare center, my dad's former bar, the farmer's market, certain restaurants and stores my dad used to take me to, etc. Much of that route was my bus route back in the day too when the school bus picked me up from the daycare and brought me to school.

After a little confusion regarding the whereabouts of our destination, we finally found the Maharaja Restaurant planted along a one-way street. There was no parking space in its direct vicinity, so we had to find a place. After a little difficulty searching for one, we finally found one a block away in a residential area. Good thing I know how to parallel park. WOO!!! LoL.

We arrived in the door around two o'clock. It was CRAZY busy! Though we got seated right away, there was quite a line at the buffet line, which was what we came for. It's cheaper than a single entrée, there's more variety, it's all-you-can-eat, and it was served until 3 o'clock.

I loved the variety of heritages in the restaurant. The majority of the customers were Indian, but there were also many Asians, and a few Caucasians. We immediately intermingled in the diverse line, eager to feed our bellies, which were deep voids at the time, lol. The view of the delightful smorgasbords from a slight distance were teasing our palates. (ROFL, that was just fun to say.) After quickly tolerating the hot temperature of the dinner plates, coming right out of the dishwasher, we immediately loaded our plates up with sweet foreign victuals, hesitatingly adding small amounts of the unrecognizable delicacies.

One of the new things I tried that I liked the most was the coconut soup. One could consider it a dessert because it was fairly sweet. Now that I think about it, I should find a recipe for it. It had the consistency of skim milk. It also had cashew pieces in it, which were slightly soggy but good to taste. On my dinner plate, I had a very wide assortment of pretty much everything that didn't scare me, lol. There was this chicken in the buffet that I didn't dare to touch because it was obviously basted with red dye. EWW!!! That ain't natural. I was a bit too weirded out to try the goat. I stuck to the chicken and vegetables. Not too many Indian restaurants serve beef due to their religious beliefs of the cow being a sacred animal. I assume it's mainly the Americanized ones that serve it. The first time I went to an Indian restaurant was with my parents, Becca, and with my mom's coworker and his family. They were an Indian family from Sri Lanka. My mom saw beef on the menu and thought to inquire of their beliefs on it. Her coworker responded saying that he and his family didn't eat beef because of the sanctity of the cow, but he also said he wouldn't be offended if any of us order it.

Anyway, I would highly recommend the Maharaja Restaurant. Again, it's in downtown East Milwaukee on Farewell Ave. Just google it if you want to go there.

OH!!! I forgot to mention the "cheese ball in sweet syrup." That was very interesting. It wasn't disgusting, but it wouldn't exactly be something I'd ever order off the menu, lol. It tasted like macaroni and cheese, soul food style, soaked in watered-down maple syrup. It looked like a little ball of bread, sort of like a donut hole. Rice pudding is pretty good - a weird consistency though. Imagine eating bits of soggy rice swimming in milk. The consistency of that resembles very watery cottage cheese with small curds. Can't really complain about the bread pudding though. It's like coffee cake.

After a while, we ventured to Robert's Custard on Mequon Rd. in Germantown, WI. Becca and I went there a while back and I insisted that we share the turtle sundae. This time, I let her pick the flavor that we'd share since I avoided doing it the previous time, lol. Caramel Apple Sundae. It was good, but I'm not really a big fan of fleshy fruit in my ice cream or custard. The occasional fresh berry is okay, but I like chocolate or cacao, lol. I got to eat the cherry though!!! Yay!! That's the extent of my intake of Red #40.

We met up with our friend Jessie at Goodwill (thrift store). We had epic times trying on clothes and what not for about a good hour or so. We went to Culver's (burger joint) for some food. I was still rather full from lunch, but Jessie hadn't eaten much this day so this trip was mainly for her. Becca got a salad. As we were leaving I started craving a kid's meal, but I was too lazy to get it, lol.

Then we went to the infamous WAL-MART and spent about two hours there wandering around. As we were in the checkout line, I noticed in my peripheral vision a girl behind me who looked vaguely familiar. Several seconds later, I heard the girl behind me exclaim, "Aaron!?!?" It turned out to be my niece, Kiana. We hadn't seen each other in years. She had her beautiful daughter with her in the cart whom I hadn't got to meet. She seemed about two years old, I think. I really need to get in touch with my family a lot better. It was so good to see her again. I guess one could say she's a "half-niece" since she's the daughter of my half-sister, Lonnie.

Well after saying goodbye to my beloved friends, who were off to jazz concert - Jessie's dad was playing in it -, we went our separate ways. Only minutes after I pulled out of my parking spot, something unexpected happened. Driving down Appleton Ave., as I approached the intersection of County Line Rd., the light turned yellow. I was only a few feet away from the crosswalk when the light turned yellow, so I had no time to stop before. As I continued, I noticed a car coming from oncoming traffic attempting to make a left turn in front of me. Apparently, it was a misjudgment of timing on their part. Out of instinct I slammed on the brakes, as did they. One of us had to go faster to get out of the other's way, but we both tried to do that at the same time. This individual beat me, but Rhonda the Honda (my car) was still going a bit fast as my anti-lock brakes were kicking in. I ended up hitting the back of this person's car with the right side of Rhonda's bumper. It wasn't anything too damaging, but enough to cause us both to feel the impact. Since the light had turned red at this point, we couldn't just sit there in the middle of the intersection, so we both continued on in different directions. I turned into the nearest parking lot, hoping they would come find me, but I think they just drove off. Perhaps they thought I did too. It was a difficult call to make.

Rhonda is fine. No damage or anything - not even a single scratch. I'm perfectly fine. I was just shaking a little bit afterward due to surprise effect. I just parked in a random parking lot, got out to check out my car, and left the scene. There was nothing else I could do. I'm pretty sure the other person was fine. The impact seemed nothing greater than one would experience in a bumper car at the amusement park.

Again, this makes me want to say that we are never promised tomorrow. Who knows when our lives, or the life of someone else we know, can be taken in an instant?

I am so grateful for God's favor upon me.

I Am a Bird

The archaic phrase is still in effect; "birds of a feather flock together."

I am a bird with marvelous plumage.
No two of my feathers are exactly alike.
One could say I have one of ev'ry color of the rainbow
But that is an understatement.
Rainbows only have seven colors,
I also have black, and white, and brown, etc.

Because of my diversity, I often stand alone.
There is no flock in which I fit right in.
Only a few of my feathers fit in.
The rest of me is an art museum.
The art cannot be touched with trouble stirring up.
I can only give certain pieces of me to certain flocks.

Birds of a feather flock together.
Which flock shall I join?
I love all my feathers.
Any birds out there with as many diverse feathers as I?
We can compare and contrast our quirks.
Let us walk in unison, enjoying shallow fellowship of the masses.

Birds of diverse feathers can't fly from certain tethers.

-------------------------------------
Now I'm going to tell you in plain English my dilemma.

Of all the people I've ever known and loved, it was very difficult for me to relate. I would always have a bit of something in common with someone, but it would be at a completely different degree. Not only that, but everything else was so contradicting. Jesus is the only One whom I have everything in common with. He's the only One whom I can be completely myself in front of. No one else understands me or my ways.

I have learned to accommodate all people into my life regardless of differences. If they respond to me in like manner, we maintain a decent friendship, but there is always a distance there. This distance is mutually exerted as a sign of respect towards our differences - agreeing to disagree, if you will.

It would be a great desire of mine to meet someone in which agrees with every one of my philosophies and such. The only one I'd ever change for is Jesus if He so requires of me to do so, otherwise, I ain't changing for nobody! I don't expect another to change for my sake either. Destiny is not in our control.

Though I'm a loner at heart, my hopes will never die.

Letting My Brain Loose

I really miss the days when I had so much time on my hands.

Anxiety rarely affects me physically anymore, but in general, I'm a fairly anxious person. This anxiety derives from my ongoing fetish of perfection. Due to my personality, I tend to notice things that people rarely pay attention to. I even notice this in the work environment. At my current job, the boxes strolling along the conveyor belt will occasionally jam up and get stuck. Since I am naturally soft-spoken, I either a) fix the problem myself if I'm able to and/or nearby, b) wait anxiously and hope for someone else to fix it, or c) tell someone by me to yell across the warehouse, "FIX THOSE BOXES!!!" Anyway, the point is that I'm usually the first one to notice things.

The world has lost its fervor for intelligence and wisdom. Most people are so obsessed with foolishness and fun. It doesn't help that they're proud about it too. They see elegance and sophistication as boring and uncool. I find that so peculiar and somewhat disturbing. The earth has become a very trashy place over the years. Whatever happened to the simple ways of living? It is written in the Bible that God is not the author of confusion. Since atheism is fairly prominent these days, confusion has been permeating the masses. They just don't know what hit them. What breaks my heart is that so many people lost respect not only for others, but for themselves! Decorum is sadly outdated these present days. *sigh*

The way we act outwardly is often the way we feel inwardly. Of course, we can bottle everything up, but eventually everything will come out one way or another. I notice that most people who become cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ become more sophisticated in nature and in character. Such a great love can cause us to do the unthinkable.

To some people, God is merely a belief; to others, myself included, God is fact and reality. These are those who have received full truth. God makes himself known to them who desperately want to know Him. What drew me to Jesus was His perfection. I love reading in the Gospels how no man or woman could ever bring Him down. He always gave a simple, yet bold and flawless response that shut up the haters by causing them to realize their own fallacies. He always knows how to handle people correctly too. He knew to save some by using compassion and making a positive difference in their lives; yet He knew to save others with fear, pulling them out of the fire. (See Jude 22-23) I love the fact that He's everything we need Him to be. For me, He's always been my shoulder to cry on, my father, my mother, my brother, my sister, my friend, my master, my slave (when my heart is pure), my husband, my wife, my healer, my mentor, my guide, etc. Those who reject Jesus never knew Him. They only either a) believe what people have falsely said about Him, or b) have only read the Old Testament. Most Christians have a habit of giving their God a bad name. We are a product of the one we love the most. A hateful and judgmental "Christian" gives the false illusion of God being hateful and wrongfully judgmental. A loving and liberal "Christian" gives the false illusion of God being being fine with everything. True children of God reflect the unadulterated true personality of God. No one can change who God is - only change the ways people see Him. He will never change regardless of what people say.

God's judgment is always rightful, just, purposeful, and done out of love. Where would we be without correction? We aren't always right, we know. (I have to read that last phrase over a few times, lol). Though I am obsessed with perfection, I am never perfect. Granted, there are some things I cannot change, but there is occasionally something I do that I think and feel is right, but is indeed wrong. God corrects me. For many, it hurts to be corrected, but it is so healthy for the soul. Woe to those who take offense at being corrected.

Jesus is the sole Creator of love. He is the REAL god of romance. We are the object of His desire. He is the prime stalker of us all, and I'm not the least weirded out by that. Who can deny the perfect gentlemen who is so wholeheartedly interested in us? Not I. In life, I try my best to let Jesus know that He is always welcome with me wherever I go. I always want the environments I'm in to be okay for Him. I don't want to go anywhere He doesn't want to go.

It bothers me how people tend to focus on what they cannot do as Christians. That mentality causes them to never be satisfied with anything. It's the oldest trick in the Book. The serpent caused Eve to see the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good evil as something that God was holding back from her.

When you go into a nice restaurant and browse through your menu, do you not let your cravings jump from entree to entree? One thing sounds good. Another thing sounds good, causing you to gradually forget the initial entree you considered. Whatever we put in front of our eyes, as long as it appeals to us, we begin to crave more and more of it. We can only focus on one thing at a time. With this in mind, we must realize that we can manipulate the way we live our lives.

The only way Christians can gain holiness is by receiving a continual touch from the Almighty. The more we include God in our lives, the more we crave Him. Those who have been truly touched by Him know right along with me that He is downright ADDICTIVE!!! If I spend long amounts of time doing other things, not incorporating Him, I'd forget about Him. It happens. Our minds, so often, become consumed with what's going on around us.

There's so much we can do to live a good life.

Ahh, now my brain feels relaxed. :-)

Craving for Identity

The majority of items at my work in which I come in contact with on a daily basis are of the Halloween persuasion. A lot goes on through my head when I see these items, primarily the costumes (as opposed to decorations). It is my theory that people want to let loose their hidden desires in dressing up for Halloween. It's like an excuse to get away with how they wish to dress. Again, these are my theories.

Last week, I found out something interesting. I overheard a couple of people speaking very disrespectfully about a newcomer who had just quit, due to all of the "devil junk" in the building. She was a Jehovah's Witness. Honestly, the consideration of quitting crossed my mind for the same reason, but I realized that God would protect me from anything that could pose a threat to me spiritually. I prayed that He would. Though the devilish items are fake, they are still dangerous. One could pose an argument to say that the Bible says to flee from the appearance of evil. I agree with that; however, my understanding is different. Like I mentioned in my blog, "Supernatural Wisdom," spirits are attracted to their own natural environments.

As I walk through the exhaustive aisles of the factory, I cannot express to you the drama that occurs right in front of my face both in the temporal and spiritual realms. It seems like no one heeds to professionalism anymore. Each and every one of these individuals God loves, but from what I see and sense is that few of them realize it. Most of my co-workers are overtaken by anger, evidenced by the amount of expletives they throw into the atmosphere. That which is in the heart will come out, regardless of whether the person wants to let it out or not. Anger is always brought about by the pains that others have caused. My heart aches for these people who just need to crawl into the arms of the Lord to be comforted. Jesus does not look at what goes out, but rather on what goes in. It's His will to cut off the source of the negativity.

Getting back on tangent now . . .

I can't help but notice the amount of similar costumes that go out. I simply cannot fathom as to why little kids look up to fictional characters. Television has basically taught them to be something they are not. There's far too much entertainment out there in the world today. Don't get me wrong; I don't think entertainment is wrong, but only if it's in moderation. Essentially, entertainment is a cover-up of reality. It temporarily soothes the tensity of life by taking one's mind off of problems. That's what the world does. They're so consumed by humor and having fun that they end up neglecting reality.

Currently, sad to say, there are not too many good parents out there, especially the young ones. We all are familiar with how burdensome children can be to us adults who want to go out and have "grown-up time." Meanwhile, a child desperately searches for a role model. They are learning how to live life. They learn from what consumes their mind. I don't know exactly how to say this nicely, but the minds of many, many people today have turned to mush. Kids grow up not willing to be educated, but rather to be entertained. I blame much of this on television, which blares bizarre and random cartoons at the innocent child's brain 90 miles an hour. Whatever happened to discipline?

The average parent in our generation will teach their children the "sit down, shut up, and watch TV" principle. Subliminally, that sends the message that we do not talk about our problems, but rather we drown them out by taking our minds off them. Kids grow up feeling uncared for. When they grow up, then they get themselves in heaps of trouble just for looking for love in the wrong places, all because they never received the intimacy from parents they needed so desperately.

As I walk through this world today, many young people are very shallow, quick to anger, and are poorly educated. Nobody likes to read anymore. Nobody likes to study. (Well, there are always the exceptions whom I GREATLY commend.) Have you ever talked to someone who just seems like their only purpose in life is just to take up space and have fun? They search out no deeper meaning in life. When it comes to real life matters, they become quiet and stiffen up. Even in the presence of God, these people are very shy and timid because their problems are exposed in the midst by the power of the Lord. O that we might DEAL with our problems with the help of Jesus that we might have confidence towards God, and whatsoever we may ask of Him shall be given to us.

What will it take?

One of my greatest desires to not to teach, but rather to INSPIRE others to learn. I've met people who do not like when I message them because, as everyone knows, I write very lengthy messages. They don't like to read. If they could end up loving what I teach, they will read what I have to say. I loathe speaking and writing in vain.

The world has become so neutral and mediocre. No one wants to find their own selves, but rather steal others' identities. We have young girls looking up to Miley Cyrus' fictional character Hannah Montana. That's scary because Miley is a young girl herself who has MUCH to learn. I don't understand people who obsess over celebrities. There's more to life than being known and glamorous.

I don't know where I'm going with all this. I'm just sort of ranting.

Take it with a grain of salt, I guess.

True Christianity Vs. False Christianity

My philosophy is that no one can argue against the truth, but rather the truth speaks for itself.  It's my desire to know nothing but the truth.  People say all sorts of things and make it sound legit.  A very wise man by the name of Adolf Hitler once said "If you tell a lie long enough and loud enough soon people will believe it."  That's so true.  As long as you have great ambition, superior confidence, passion, exponential wisdom and knowledge, a clear vision and purpose, and a strong image and reputation, many people will be drawn to you no matter what you stand for.  Great inspiration comes from great power.

In all honesty, I am often embarrassed to admit that I am a Christian because of the what the world has seen from the so-called Christian communities. Most people who label themselves "Christian" are a shame to their own faith because they simply do not possess the contents to match the label of "Christian".  Another wise man, by the name of Mohandas Gandhi, said a very profound statement: "Be the change you wish to see in the world." He was also the one to say, "I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

The majority of Christians are possessed with a spirit of false Christianity.  I commend them greatly for the desire to be a Christian and to live a good life, but most of them are drunken with delusions of grandeur. Nona Freeman, a very superior, prominent, and what I consider to be an ideal Christian, said it best. This is a direct quote from her book, "In the Bag." She said, "Some, regarding salvation as simply a plateau of peace and joy, are lulled into a false sense of security divorced from reality."

Without further ado, I'm going to describe what an ideal Christian should be like.

A Christian should ALWAYS be genuine. In the midst of a world full of fakery and plasticity, people are crying out for something real. Why tease them? Besides, folks can always see right through a façade. It's pointless to put on a false Christian front. We'd not only be lying to a hurting world, but also to ourselves.

A Christian should live a holy life to the best of his ability. Holiness comes from a redeemed and repentant heart. When our soul becomes redeemed by the hand of God, He imparts holiness into us, but it is our choice whether to yield to it or not. There is a vast difference between saying one has a redeemed heart and actually having a redeemed heart. If something's really of God, it will happen naturally.

A Christian should be fearless and worry-free. If God be for us, who can possibly be against us? We must trust that God will always provide for us. Everything happens for a reason. As long as we love God, then He won't allow anything to happen in our lives unless it was for our own good. A Christian should never freak out. Fear is the enemy of faith. A mind flooded with fear and worries is one absent from God's voice and leading of His Spirit.

A Christian should be confident in His God. He will always do that which is right by us. We must believe that He hears our prayers regardless of whether we feel like He does or not. Feelings always deter us from things of God. A lack of communication leads to false assumptions. If you don't hear from God in a while, don't just assume that He hates you and threw you away. Sometimes He remains to silent to see how you react, to see how much you trust Him, and to see if He can trust you. He's never broken a promise. When He said He'd never leave you nor forsake you, He wasn't joking. The thing about a prosperous relationship is mutual trust. Can God trust you? When things go bad, are you going to leave Him and/or ignore Him? Without this confidence in our God and man relationship, we don't even know our God. He always understands us, but we don't always understand Him or His ways. If we don't understand, will we run or stay with Him, knowing that He's not planning something against us? How much do we trust Him and know Him?

A Christian should be confident in himself. This is a healthy balance between pride and low self-esteem. We are quick to say we believe in God, but lack to realize that God also believes in us. The whole reason Jesus reaches out to people is because He sees the potential in them to become better. He doesn't concentrate on who we are, but rather on what we can become. Besides, if we don't believe in ourselves, who else will?

A Christian must always be loving and willing to forgive. We should be about our Father's business. Before you open your mouth to judge someone, think of how God treats you. When you make a mistake, does God smack you around, yell at you, and criticize you? The Bible says He is slow to anger. How quick are you to anger? Not only that, but how willing are you to forgive yourself? A Christian is not to beat himself up after sinning, but rather to get back up and move on. If you fall down and stay down, the devil has got you right where he wants you. The devil is wired for hatred. God is not ignorant of your shortcomings. He doesn't expect you to be perfect, but He expects you to love Him. This is where the mercy and grace of God comes in.

This next part is going to be longer and much more in depth.

A Christian should be an ambassador.

I did some research on some government websites regarding diplomacy and ambassadorship. According to Merriam-Webster.com, diplomacy is both a) the art and practice of conducting negotiations between skills, and b) the skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility. Now ambassadors, according to the official website of the United States government (usa.gov), are "the highest ranking diplomatic representatives." In America, ambassadors are nominated by the President of the United States and confirmed by the United States Senate. I don't know about you, but being chosen as an ambassador seems like one of the greatest honors, no matter what country we are from. Essentially, an ambassador is the spokesperson for his entire country to a foreign country. The mission is to establish a relationship between the two countries. It's a long-term assignment. The chosen man will reside in an embassy, which is basically a building in the foreign country in which the ambassador and his fellow companions will commune. It's their own little community in a whole new world, but as far as the mission field is concerned, much preparation is required.

First and foremost, an ambassador (or any diplomat for that matter) must be very open-minded. He needs to see all the issues from all angles. In order to accomplish that successfully, he must refrain from investing emotions, biases, prior experiences, and historical data into his work. He should never take anything at mere face value, but rather examine all the facts. Almost all hostilities between two countries are a direct result of misunderstandings, so a diplomat must not be easily offended. He should never take anything personally, but rather collect all the versions of the story. It is his job to determine the truth in all of it, that both countries might be at peace with one another. A diplomat must be well-informed and educated, knowing quite well the cultures of both the country he's representing and of the one he's reaching out to.

All in all, it's a HUGE job that requires a lot of maturity, sophistication, and wisdom.

The Bible says that a Christian is ambassador. The kingdom of God is what we're representing. The world is whom we're reaching out to. The church is our embassy. Our mission is to clear up the confusion and misunderstandings between the two opposing worlds. We must discover the truth.

Now, I encourage you to read the two larger paragraphs again, regarding diplomacy and ambassadorship, but this time let us place ourselves in the position of the ambassador. Are we meeting up to those standards?

A well-known preacher once said, "Do you carry your religion or does your religion carry you?" From personal experience, I strongly recommend TRUE Christianity that is unadulterated, none of the paradoxical "Christ-less Christianity" that's out there today. True Christianity has never died. It's powerful! People won't believe the Bible unless it comes to life. Everyday of my life, I watch it do so. In order for it to come alive, one must develop an unshakable relationship with its Author. Once you spend quality time with an author of a book, you will see that book in a completely different light once you read it again, having deeper understanding of the character of that person.

We need the Holy Ghost dwelling in us in order to understand the Bible more and more. If we have trouble understanding the Bible, either we are not yielding to this Holy Ghost, or we just don't have it. See my writing entitled "Supernatural Wisdom" for more information.

Would you rather just believe something is true or KNOW FOR A FACT that something is true? Truth speaks for itself. Don't bother trying to avoid it because it will always be declared in the end. Think for your own selves. Don't let anybody coerce you into believing just anything. Do your own research. With my writings, the only thing I can do and wish to do is to inspire others to search deeper into the true Christianity they never knew but yearned for.

Behold, power will reveal the character of a man. If we are able to possess God's power, we will be undefeatable dynamic personalities. Nothing will be able to bring us down, nor stand in the way. God only gives His power to those who can handle it and will use it correctly in a loving manner. Can He trust you with His power?

O, that we'd all see the unadulterated truth.

Supernatural Wisdom

The Lord has revealed to me that the wisest people on the planet are the ones who are deeply involved with the supernatural. As I pondered why that was, it dawned on me that it was because they have great knowledge of two entirely different worlds as opposed to just one. There is the temporal world, wherein we reside, that we see, feel, smell, hear, and taste; then there is the spiritual realm which is full of subtilty and discreetness. It is a powerful, wise, invisible realm that is woven into the fabric of our own world. Since we are partially spirit, we are fully capable of associating with both domains.

As humans, we tend to judge everything by what we see. That is a very foolish thing to do because looks can be very deceiving. The well-known cliché, "Don't judge a book by its cover," is sadly overlooked and ignored.

Before we go any further, let me explain the concept of "judging," so we are all on the same page. By definition, judgment is both "the act of forming an opinion or conclusion about" and "the act of determining the correctness of a matter." People most often automatically associate judgment with wrongful judgment, then arrive at the conclusion that it is wrong to judge people. This is not true. It is very necessary to judge people, but only in a rightful manner.

Judgment, at least by humans, should never be quick and severe. We need to know all the facts before we can rightfully judge. People so often wrongfully judge by what they see, and not by what they know, like they should. It's necessary to be aware of the hidden motives of others, which isn't always so evident. If you're passing judgment on a situation between two individuals, you cannot show favoritism towards an individual. You cannot pass an accurate judgment until you hear both sides of the story individually, then in presence of each other. Your emotions should be completely separate from theirs, as far as favoritism goes. Do NOT allow yourself to get emotionally involved with them and their problems! Judgments should be made solely out of wisdom, logic, and understanding. If you can't help but to get emotionally involved to the point where you show favoritism, then you are in no place to judge. Oh yes; and by the way, remember that you will be judged the exact same way that you choose to judge, so be careful.

The wisest people on merely the temporal earth, who aren't necessarily involved with the supernatural, are those involved in professions of law. These people, however, can become so corrupt and callous. They can use their wisdom for selfish gain and biased judgments, but this is all besides the point. The point I'm trying to make is that honest and righteous judgment is extremely beneficial to the soul, especially that which comes from God, because He knows our hearts and He knows our thoughts before we think them. Despise not the chastening of the Lord, because it is for your good. He wants nothing but for your good. His will is that none shall perish, but that all may inherit eternal life. It is a good idea to live a good life so that God may be FOR you. If God be for you, who shall be against you?

The spirit world has much more of an extraordinary amount of wisdom and knowledge than humans do. It also has much more insight on things and a much better memory than we do. Since it is invisible and remains quiet for the most part, it can be in places where we think we are alone, doing things in secret. The spirit world has a great advantage over us. Depending on what force it is, good or evil, it can use what it knows about us either for our good or to blackmail us - and we would have no control over it. The people who are involved with the supernatural can gain insight about many things from these spirits, whether personally or about others. It's a powerful realm - one we must be very careful with.

The only spirit that has all insight, all wisdom, and all power is God Himself. There is not once place where God isn't, no thing He doesn't know, and there is no dominion and power that is above Him. It is written that both the beginning of wisdom and of knowledge is the fear of the Lord. That being said, there is an open door in which we can walk through to access anything we'd want to know. However, there are conditions that we must follow.

I want to let you in on a little secret. We, as humans, produce our own atmosphere. Spirits are conducive to the environment we create, depending on what their nature is. The power of life and death is in tongue. In other words, whatever words we speak into the atmosphere is what we create. (This is also true with the kinds of music we listen to.) We are formed in the image of God. When God created, He spoke words into the atmosphere and things happened. Therefore, humans have the ability do the same thing. In the eyes of the spirit world, humans are vessels in which they can flow through. What kind of spirit do you want to reside in you? In order for them to come in, you have to open the door. In order to open that door, you must open your mouth and speak words that come directly from your heart. What is in your heart? What you give yourself to is what you become. You grow like the thing you admire. This is why we must be careful in regards to what we give our heart, time, and effort to.

No matter what religion you may be involved with, if any at all, it is generally and globally believed that we reap what we sow. If you so choose to talk bad about somebody behind their back, don't be surprised when you find out that someone else is talking bad about you behind your back. Because of the decision you made and the hateful words you spoke from your heart, you have invited spirits into your life that are attracted to gossip. Since gossip is not of God, these spirits are not of God either, so you can fully expect to live with the curse of drama in your life as long as you are creating this environment around yourself. If you want to stop all the drama in your life, either stop starting it if you are, or stop it in its tracks. People are subject to erring and making mistakes. You can fully expect them to mess up. Too many people put all their trust in humans and expect them to be perfect. They hold them up to a high standard which they simply are not capable of holding, whether they concur or not. We are imperfect beings.

We may not always directly communicate to spirits (even though we should, but I'll get into this later), but spirits will always directly communicate to us. Those of us who are completely ignorant of the whole spiritual realm are subject to what they have to say. Ignorant people hear the voices of these spirits in the form of thoughts that enter the head. As a result, they can develop paranoias regarding all sorts of things. Negative spirits speak lies in order to cause destruction and disunity. They are wired to prevent souls from worshiping Jesus. All spirits understand that a kingdom which is divided against itself cannot stand. They know that there is power in unity. One human can only do so much damage, but several united together for one cause will be undefeatable.

People get so angry at God for things that He had nothing to do with. Skeptics ask "If God is such a loving god, then why so much pain, sicknesses, and wars going on?" The answer is fairly simple. God does not get involved in the affairs of mankind unless one invites Him in. Like I said before, spirits are attracted to the environments we create. God is a loving god, but if somebody wants Him to intervene, it is necessary that this person create an environment conducive and favorable to the Spirit of God. God is attracted to a pure, honest, and repentant heart. He's attracted to worship. You want God to intervene in your life, create an atmosphere that He wants to dwell in. God simply cannot be in a place that is unholy. It's physically impossible for Him. That's why so many people perished in darkness in the Old Testament, but God, in His infinite grace, came up with a plan.

The Lord did the unthinkable amongst mankind. He robed Himself in a garment of flesh and walked amongst us in the earth. We call Him Jesus. An all-powerful God fused Himself with human frailty that He might touch us. I wonder if He ever knew what it was like to experience the problems that men face firsthand. As a human, God walked in the shoes of every man. Perhaps His mercy increased as did His empathy with mankind. Just a thought. Anyway, at the crucifixion, the shedding of divine blood took place. God had always required a blood sacrifice to wash away sin. Behold, this divine blood is eternal! It can wash away each sin, but humans must make the effort to obtain it. We also need the identity of Christ tagged to our life. He only offers blood to His children. In order to become a child of God, one must make the necessary sacrifices.

Since Jesus gave His life for you, you must give your life for Him. Of course this is not a suicide attempt, but rather a decision to live your life solely for His purpose. God does not desire blood sacrifices anymore, nor in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart He will not despise. You must repent, which is to acknowledge your sins before God and to make a promise to Him to attempt to not sin anymore. Repentance echoes the crucifixion of Jesus. You are essentially crucifying your old ways of living. Then you must be baptized, which is full immersion, in Jesus' name. We are buried with Him in baptism. This applies the name of Jesus to your life that He may call you His son. This is where the spirit of adoption comes in. We take on the identity and character of Christ. Then we must be filled with the Spirit of God, the Holy Ghost. That mimics the resurrection of Christ. It is life being put into the body. May I add that the Holy Ghost is the greatest source of power that ever was, is, and is to come? You want that power? The cost is your life. I will personally recommend to you that it's totally worth it!

After you go through that process, you can have much access to the good side of the spirit world. The Holy Ghost, when it comes to dwell inside of you, will cause you to speak in other tongues. Though you may speak in an actual human language that is unknown to you, but known to a foreigner, you will also be equipped with the tongues of angels. You will then possess the language of both worlds. When you pray in the tongues of angels, God alone understands you. You are speaking mysteries. It's a very powerful language to pray in when one doesn't know what to pray for. God does nothing but in answer to prayer. Speaking in tongues is your spirit praying and interceding.

By the way, when it comes to other tongues needing interpretation, this is speaking of something a very similar, yet different gift. I possess both the gift of praying with other tongues wherewith I was filled with the Holy Ghost, and also the gift of "divers" tongues which is for church edification and requires interpretation. Let me explain the divers tongues. When the Spirit of the Lord wishes to use divers tongues to speak to the church, He will pick out two or three people to speak in an unknown tongue, and one to interpret. Here is how it generally works. Usually, the Spirit of God will move into a service and the people will begin to worship from their hearts. A phenomenon then occurs when the church suddenly becomes quiet. People just feel it in the atmosphere to quiet themselves because God is about to speak. When God uses me to give a message tongues, He will let me know beforehand. When it comes almost time for Him to speak through me, He will place this burden within my stomach. It's kind of difficult to explain. If anyone was ever anxious, they will get a very similar feeling in the pit of their stomach. That's the only way I can describe it. My heart starts to beat faster because I know the curtains will soon open, and I will be on. It's basically an intense urge to speak in tongues very loudly that is very difficult to hold in. Sometimes, it just comes out of me without warning. Generally, if I am feeling that urge, I must wait for that hush that sweeps across the audience. It may not come. If it doesn't, I just have to hold it in and let it fade away. That only happened to me once, because the speaker got up and starting speaking. I have to be obedient to him, but several minutes later, the feeling ended up coming back as people began to worship again. I then was able to release it.

It is really up to the person giving the message in tongues to determine how long they want to give it for. Keep in mind that these messages need to be "interpreted" as opposed to "translated." Translation is word for word. Interpretation is more the way a certain individual gets the gist and meaning of what someone means. ASL signers don't sign word for word when interpreting someone's speech, but they communicate to the deaf or hard-of-hearing person the general idea of what's being said. That's what interpreting tongues is like.

So two or three people speak a message in tongues after one another, then the last person interprets in the audience's native language so they can understand. There are members in the congregation who also possess the gift of interpretation of tongues who can determine whether or not the interpretation was accurate or not. Anything divine in the hands of man is subject to error and misuse. I believe I possess the gift of interpretation of tongues, but I have not been used in it yet as far as speaking. I can sometimes determine whether or not the interpretation was accurate.

Now let's return from that tangent.

Humans tend to think that they rule the universe, or in other words, proclaim themselves as God. However, just because people don't always believe in God doesn't mean that He doesn't exist. God and the remainder of the spiritual realm is simply fact whether people like it or not. IT'S THERE!!! If you choose to be ignorant of that, you are only hurting yourself. Since the end of the world is near, the spiritual world is ready to take over. You better prepare yourself. As soon as you can, you should decide whether you want to join the good side or the dark side, then become fanatical in your efforts to stick to it. Life really isn't a joke.

People tend to join the dark side because it's easier to become involved with dark spirits - and it takes less time too. Want to know why that is? Satan and evil spirits are wired to destroy, but God and His angels are wired to build. It's much easier to destroy than it is to build. Take a wrecking ball to a building and it's all over in a matter of minutes, almost effortlessly. But what did it take to build that building? It took a LOT of time and effort. I'm not sure how long it takes to build a skyscraper, but I wouldn't be surprised if it took a few years. It's easier to destroy.

A countless amount of people have forsaken Christianity because they simply did not get involved supernaturally. People have a hunger for power and fulfillment. If things in their lives don't fulfill those needs, out it goes. Any struggling Christians out there who just seem to live life powerless, question God's existence, etc. . . . . think again. The devil fights the hardest where He fears the most. There is a huge split between Christianity. One side is based off of all logic and tradition. They have all sorts of knowledge and wisdom, but no relationship with God. They don't possess the love and mercies of God, but rather are quick to judge. The other side of Christianity is based on solely on experience and spirituality. They don't ground themselves in the word, but rather pick and choose scriptures. Their ideas are flighty and non-biblical. O that these sides would marry and maintain the perfect balance!

We must get involved in the supernatural if we wish to succeed, but the Bible is our manual to the spirit world. It's very good, especially since it speaks our language in ways which we can understand. The power of evil is easily attainable, but it is no match for the power of God! It is my mission in life to overcome the forces of evil through Jesus. I have the greatest power in existence residing in me which I can unleash at my will as long as my heart is right with the one who gave it to me. You want it? You can have it. Go and get it!

Wisdom comes from the supernatural. Behold, it cries without; she utters her voice in the streets; she cries in the chief place of concourse (I'm quoting Proverbs 1, by the way), in the openings of the gates: in the city she utters her words, saying, 'How long, you simple ones, will you love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge? Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you.'

God goes on to say, "Because I have called, and you refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded; but you have ignored all my counsel, and wanted none of my reproof; I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear comes; When your fear comes as desolation, and your destruction comes as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish comes upon you: then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but they shall not find me: for that they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the Lord: They wanted none of my counsel: they despised all my reproof. Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices. For the turning away of the simple shall slay them, and the prosperity of fools shall destroy them. But whoso hearkens unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil."

We need to seek God while He can still be found. We need to gain this wisdom and insight of the supernatural before it can't be found anymore. The words of your mouth can guide a good spirits path to you, and also deter an evil spirit from you. With the Holy Ghost living in you, you have power over the spirit world. I DARE you to get involved. Time is growing short. You will have to get involved one way or the other anyway, so why waste time? Fear the Lord and gain wisdom and knowledge of these things so that you might not fear that which is to come. It will come regardless of what people believe.

I leave you with this Proverb: "A prudent (wise) man foresees the evil, and hides himself, but the simple pass on, and are punished." (Proverbs 22:3 and 27:12)

Now that I have given all this information to you, what are you going to do with it? God holds us accountable for what we do with what He reveals to us.

Choose wisely.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

A Dream I Had

I don't know why the Lord gave me this dream last night, but this morning, He is urging me to share it with you all. Perhaps this is for somebody who feels like this victim in my dream that I'm about to mention. I feel it really adequately illustrates how the love of God works.

First of all, let me give you a background on this girl. She is actually someone I know in person, an acquaintance of mine. From the couple of years I have known her, I have watched her from a distance in my bouts of people watching. What I have noticed is that she has suffered a lot of rejection. She is nowhere near the ideal girl that our society wishes to have amongst us. Her appearance isn't what the world sees as appealing. She is overweight, unattractive in appearance, quite masculine, having a much deeper voice, a little bit slow, malodorous, etc. I think you get the picture. So anyway . . . I have always noticed and even overheard that not a lot of people like her. I happen to be one of the few people that like her because it's never been in me as a person to judge by the outward appearance.

Her personality is fairly decent, though whenever I am near her, I feel an intense burden upon me. I'm used to my independence, not being tied down by anyone else's agendas, but whenever I was around her, I felt so bogged down. I'm generally a very quick person when it comes to expressing colorful personality, but this girl is by nature monotonous, slow of speech, and has somewhat of a gray personality. Despite the way I feel towards her, I've always noticed that she had quite a connection with God. So now . . . without further ado, here is my dream:

I was in a large field playing with some good friends of mine in somewhat of a childlike manner. It was like a corn field. We were chasing each other around having a lot of fun, up until this girl - the one I just described - came into the picture and tried to join us. I was a bit uneasy about it, but allowed her to play with us. The Jesus in me compelled me to allow her in. My other friends, on the other hand, wouldn't have it. They didn't flat out tell her to go away, but that was the overtone of their speech. They had looks of disgust on their faces and their speech was laced with hatred.

Since I was the one who allowed her in and accepted her, she was drawn to me - a bit too much, actually. People who have suffered great deals of rejection will find themselves cleaving onto others who display any sign of the slightest bit of acceptance towards them. Therefore, people who have suffered the greatest deal of rejection are also the ones who have the greatest capacity to be the closest to God. So anyway, I just let this girl chase me for a little bit until I became tired and went into the house (it was a random farm house, I guess). She followed me in. I sat down in a corner by what seemed like a pantry to get a snack or something, but something prevented me from doing so. When I had sat down, this girl did so as well, uncomfortably close to me. I brushed it off at first, until she started touching me. Then things got weird.

She hugged me from behind, which was very awkward, but I let her do it. Then she proceed to "pet" me in a loving manner upon my back and shoulders, which really started to creep me out and irritate me. Then all of a sudden, she had the nerve to squeeze my rear end. Out of shock, I addressed her by name and exclaimed, "HEY! Please don't do that!" She found it amusing and laughed. So she did it again in a more extreme manner. I yelled her name saying, "STOP IT!!!" Still she found it amusing. She then got out of hand and then proceeded to harass me sexually in various manners. This was too much.

Instinctively, I drew back my hand to slap her. When I slapped her face, I made a final exclamation, addressing her by name, saying, "YOU NEED TO STOP THIS!!! THIS IS NOT ALRIGHT!!! IF YOU DON'T STOP, I'LL CALL 911, AND DON'T YOU DARE THINK I WON'T!!!"

She got the message.

The girl got up, with tears in her eyes, and walked away. I felt bad for hitting her, but I was too angry to care at the moment. But as I reached for my snack after I was so rudely interrupted, the Spirit of God moved upon me. It prompted me to go to her and apologize. I argued with Him in the spirit for a minute, but He won. The Spirit of God in me convicted me and began to love through me. It was so powerful. God was trying to love this girl through me since He knew that I at least liked her as a person a little bit. I cannot adequately describe this feeling. Some of you know what I'm talking about; others will not.

I got up from where I was sitting and searched for this girl. My wrath towards her was gone and I was willing to forgive her. That's the way God works, I've found. He's very quick to forgive. It is written that those who are led by the Spirit of God shall be called the sons of God. They are just like their Father. So once I allowed the Spirit of God to move through me, I was very quick to forgive. Others may identify with this. Anyway, I found this girl sitting on a couch with her head in her hands sobbing. No matter who you are, if you were to have seen her in the condition that she was in at this point, you would know that she had felt very ashamed. She felt very sorry for what she had done. She felt so rejected and unloved. God had convicted her of her sin, which was why she was crying. It was both an act of repentance and of expressing her inward pain towards God. It's something we all need to do.

The Spirit of God in me signaled to me that she was truly sorry and ashamed for what she had done. I sensed that she did not mean to do the things she did to me, but it was instinctively. She lost control of herself and now feels bad about it. So, God urged me to go over to her and embrace her. After I knew she was sorry, I then sensed the intense inner pain she was feeling and my heart broke.

The Bible says that Jesus is touched with the feelings of our infirmities. When he saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion. In this case, I was moved with compassion. So I went over to this girl and embraced her. As soon as I did, I started sobbing uncontrollably with her. The presence of the Lord was heavily in that place, evidenced by the intense goosebumps on our skin and the hair on our flesh standing up. Once I was able to get a hold of myself as the girl continued to cry, God started to speak through me and prophesy to this girl.

(Btw, "prophecy" isn't necessarily telling about future events, but "prophecy" also references to telling about current or past events in a person's life. It's using a combination the spiritual gift of knowledge and discerning of spirits as mentioned in 1 Corinthians 12. Let me tell you, this is a WHOLE lot better than psychic, and much more accurate if it is truly from God.)

I don't recall the exact words God said to this girl through me, but it was along these lines: "[girl's name], I know that you are hurting, and you have learned your lesson. Because of your humility before me, I will bless you. I will heal your brokenness and give you what you need. I have never ceased to love you." I know this girl could decipher the difference between what I'm saying and what God is saying.

The prophecy reminded me of 2 Chronicles 7:24 - "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

If only we all could possess the Spirit of God and allow Him to love others through us. We can't always love people unconditionally on our own strength. As a matter of fact, I don't think it's even possible for human alone. We need the Holy Ghost in us to do it. If you've never felt this unconditional love through you, then either you do not have the Holy Ghost or you are simply not yielding to it. If you are wondering what your condition is in this matter, go to someone very unappealing and minister to them - be a friend to them. Befriend someone who has no friends, who is not at all fortunate, etc. If it is not in you to love the least lovable, then you simply are not a child of God. You need to make it right.

If you have not felt the love of God for a long time, or even at all, watch this video that I just found. There are literally MILLIONS of people out there like this. This is just one young man who came in touch with God. It's powerful. I can give you more videos like this if you are interested. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_-3dcsl6BU