Venting Session #3249

It is no secret that I love to express my knowledge and wisdom of things. Sometimes I just won't shut up. Sometimes I show off. However, there is one thing that just boggles me to death. I've tried to understand it for many years, but I just can't seem to grab onto the concept. I'm talking about human relations, even human sexuality.

I've always been the quiet boy. Even now, this is how I am known. The only times I really become comfortable enough to talk is when people won't leave me alone, as far as being persistent with love goes. There are very few people who pry me. When they do, I dearly love it, unless I see a reason not to trust any of them, which is rarely the case. Also, I must feel their love and acceptance towards me regardless of anything. Everyone knows I'm a very strange individual. I must admit, at times, I will try to do anything for attention, which is wrong for me to do. It never really works anyway, lol. Most of the time, when the attention is given, I chicken out and go back into my shell of comfort.

Back in the day, loneliness used to be such a huge problem in my life. It would cause me to do the unthinkable, but now I've become rather calloused to loneliness, so it seems. I guess this is because my life is so busy now that I have a full-time job and then some. I'm never alone. Of course, I rarely talk to anyone, but even in my job setting, I'm dying to be alone. I don't know why that is. I really love being alone.

While I'm fairly teachable, I can still be fairly stubborn. Many of you always hear me say in surveys or what not that I'm going to be single the rest of my life. Well, the fact is that I can't promise myself that. I must confess that deep within my heart of hearts, I have a craving for a significant other - a human such as myself. I'm not exempt from this desire everyone has no matter how much I make myself seem to be.

It's not sex at all that I'm looking for. Honestly, I could really do without it. It's companionship I crave. It's actually a beautiful thought of two individuals together, complementing each other. I really am a hopeless romantic, lol. Though it may not be evident, I actually LOVE talking, but it's rare for me to find common ground and that level of comfort with others. Like I said, I'm a strange individual. Even with the very few people I talk to now, I hold back a lot. My mind is very deep - an abyss, if you will. Most people in this world today, from what I've noticed anyway, are very shallow and simple. While I care for these people, I'm not really interested in associating with them. Please understand that I'll listen to them, be their acquaintance, pray for them, administer to their needs, and everything like that, but they aren't ones I'd like to share my life with. I'm attracted to very deep people.

Ennh, why don't I just throw the following out there.

As far as what I look for in a significant goes, I have a rather long and detailed list. First and foremost, this person must know Jesus, or at least be very willing to get to know Him. I probably will just stay friends with this person until they know Him well enough. Our religious beliefs must be practically identical, otherwise, I want little to do with this individual. I'll just slap a list together.

MY IDEAL LOVER:
-Great confidence, yet full of humility.
-Very open-minded.
-Artistic and poetic. (Musical inclination a plus, but not required.)
-Highly intelligent.
-Avid reader or writer. Both would be amazing :-)
-A people-person.
-Accepting of all people. No exceptions.
-Polite and well-mannered. Classy, even. :-)
-Doesn't drink alcohol, smoke, or do drugs.
-Doesn't swear.
-Doesn't jump to conclusions or become paranoid.
-Obedient to God
-Creative
-A tad quirky. :-)
-Funny, yet knows when to be serious.
-Clean and godly appearance.
-Doesn't have tattoos. (Negotiable)
-Doesn't wear jewelry. (Negotiable)
-Doesn't wear make-up.
-Genuine, down-to-earth, "self-acutalized."
-Strong personality.
-Great worker, not a bum.
-Tidy, not a slob.
-Not a daredevil or show off.
-Eats healthy. (Negotiable.)
-Doesn't chew gum or mints. (Negotiable.)
-Doesn't drink soda/pop. (Negotiable.)
-Able to put up with my mood swings. (A must!) ROFL!!!!!
-Doesn't think about sex all the time. (A DEFINITE must!)
-Romantic
-Loyal and faithful
-Trustworthy
-Honest (Not only to me, but to everyone else. Same goes for last two qualities.)
-Wise as a serpent but harmless as a dove.
-Bold, not scared of anything. (Semi-negotiable, lol)
-Everything else I'm forgetting on this list, lol.

. . . and welcome to why I'm still single. :-) LOL!!!! It'd be a miracle if I ever met someone who met all my relationship standards.

I have no idea why my blog ended up going this way. I was totally aiming in a completely different direction, but now I'm too tired to go in the desired way, or even more so, remember it, lol.

I feel so awkward putting this out here in public. Eww.

Why am I so crazy?

Answer me that.

OH!!!! I remember what I wanted to say.

I really want to open up ONLY to my significant other. And I really want to open up, lol. I hate keeping all my thoughts and opinions to myself.

Oh duh, the main thing I wanted to say is that I don't know what it is, but it seems like I'm missing something. I always see how people communicate to each other and they form this undeniable connection. Whenever I attempt to have a conversation with someone, I don't experience that same connection. I can't figure out why that is. It makes me feel like I'm broken or malfunctioning. Sometimes I feel like it's because I never learned how to relate to people. Most people had a brother, sister, or parent to open up to and be themselves around, but I never had that type of family relationship. All I've ever had was myself, until Jesus came along a few years ago.

I just can't seem to connect to people.

Hmm.

Oh well.

Time for bed, Aaron, before you get yourself into trouble, lol.