It is no secret that I love to express my knowledge and wisdom of things. Sometimes I just won't shut up. Sometimes I show off. However, there is one thing that just boggles me to death. I've tried to understand it for many years, but I just can't seem to grab onto the concept. I'm talking about human relations, even human sexuality.
I've always been the quiet boy. Even now, this is how I am known. The only times I really become comfortable enough to talk is when people won't leave me alone, as far as being persistent with love goes. There are very few people who pry me. When they do, I dearly love it, unless I see a reason not to trust any of them, which is rarely the case. Also, I must feel their love and acceptance towards me regardless of anything. Everyone knows I'm a very strange individual. I must admit, at times, I will try to do anything for attention, which is wrong for me to do. It never really works anyway, lol. Most of the time, when the attention is given, I chicken out and go back into my shell of comfort.
Back in the day, loneliness used to be such a huge problem in my life. It would cause me to do the unthinkable, but now I've become rather calloused to loneliness, so it seems. I guess this is because my life is so busy now that I have a full-time job and then some. I'm never alone. Of course, I rarely talk to anyone, but even in my job setting, I'm dying to be alone. I don't know why that is. I really love being alone.
While I'm fairly teachable, I can still be fairly stubborn. Many of you always hear me say in surveys or what not that I'm going to be single the rest of my life. Well, the fact is that I can't promise myself that. I must confess that deep within my heart of hearts, I have a craving for a significant other - a human such as myself. I'm not exempt from this desire everyone has no matter how much I make myself seem to be.
It's not sex at all that I'm looking for. Honestly, I could really do without it. It's companionship I crave. It's actually a beautiful thought of two individuals together, complementing each other. I really am a hopeless romantic, lol. Though it may not be evident, I actually LOVE talking, but it's rare for me to find common ground and that level of comfort with others. Like I said, I'm a strange individual. Even with the very few people I talk to now, I hold back a lot. My mind is very deep - an abyss, if you will. Most people in this world today, from what I've noticed anyway, are very shallow and simple. While I care for these people, I'm not really interested in associating with them. Please understand that I'll listen to them, be their acquaintance, pray for them, administer to their needs, and everything like that, but they aren't ones I'd like to share my life with. I'm attracted to very deep people.
Ennh, why don't I just throw the following out there.
As far as what I look for in a significant goes, I have a rather long and detailed list. First and foremost, this person must know Jesus, or at least be very willing to get to know Him. I probably will just stay friends with this person until they know Him well enough. Our religious beliefs must be practically identical, otherwise, I want little to do with this individual. I'll just slap a list together.
MY IDEAL LOVER:
-Great confidence, yet full of humility.
-Very open-minded.
-Artistic and poetic. (Musical inclination a plus, but not required.)
-Highly intelligent.
-Avid reader or writer. Both would be amazing :-)
-A people-person.
-Accepting of all people. No exceptions.
-Polite and well-mannered. Classy, even. :-)
-Doesn't drink alcohol, smoke, or do drugs.
-Doesn't swear.
-Doesn't jump to conclusions or become paranoid.
-Obedient to God
-Creative
-A tad quirky. :-)
-Funny, yet knows when to be serious.
-Clean and godly appearance.
-Doesn't have tattoos. (Negotiable)
-Doesn't wear jewelry. (Negotiable)
-Doesn't wear make-up.
-Genuine, down-to-earth, "self-acutalized."
-Strong personality.
-Great worker, not a bum.
-Tidy, not a slob.
-Not a daredevil or show off.
-Eats healthy. (Negotiable.)
-Doesn't chew gum or mints. (Negotiable.)
-Doesn't drink soda/pop. (Negotiable.)
-Able to put up with my mood swings. (A must!) ROFL!!!!!
-Doesn't think about sex all the time. (A DEFINITE must!)
-Romantic
-Loyal and faithful
-Trustworthy
-Honest (Not only to me, but to everyone else. Same goes for last two qualities.)
-Wise as a serpent but harmless as a dove.
-Bold, not scared of anything. (Semi-negotiable, lol)
-Everything else I'm forgetting on this list, lol.
. . . and welcome to why I'm still single. :-) LOL!!!! It'd be a miracle if I ever met someone who met all my relationship standards.
I have no idea why my blog ended up going this way. I was totally aiming in a completely different direction, but now I'm too tired to go in the desired way, or even more so, remember it, lol.
I feel so awkward putting this out here in public. Eww.
Why am I so crazy?
Answer me that.
OH!!!! I remember what I wanted to say.
I really want to open up ONLY to my significant other. And I really want to open up, lol. I hate keeping all my thoughts and opinions to myself.
Oh duh, the main thing I wanted to say is that I don't know what it is, but it seems like I'm missing something. I always see how people communicate to each other and they form this undeniable connection. Whenever I attempt to have a conversation with someone, I don't experience that same connection. I can't figure out why that is. It makes me feel like I'm broken or malfunctioning. Sometimes I feel like it's because I never learned how to relate to people. Most people had a brother, sister, or parent to open up to and be themselves around, but I never had that type of family relationship. All I've ever had was myself, until Jesus came along a few years ago.
I just can't seem to connect to people.
Hmm.
Oh well.
Time for bed, Aaron, before you get yourself into trouble, lol.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
When Trusting God is All We Can Do
There are times when we see God orchestrating our lives and it's obvious and sensible to us. On the contrary, there are times when nothing seems to go our way, everything's falling apart, and we wonder if God still knows what He's doing. Obviously, being omniscient, God always knows what He's doing, so these are times when all we can do is trust.
Right now, I'm in a trusting time.
In my understanding of things, it seems that trusting God is one thing, but God trusting us is an entirely different story. I think there are times when God just lays back and takes the role of a spectator, seeing how we react in situations. There are times when He speaks, and times when He is silent. As I earlier implied, God is silent to me right now. In times like this, perhaps He records whether we still make the efforts to pray, trusting that He hears us (which He does), make the efforts to abstain from sinful desires, make the efforts to read His Word, etc.
Right now, in my mere human heart, it seems that God is ignoring me right now, but logically, I understand that the heart is deceitful above all things. I've come up with a theory that where there is a lack of communication, there is inevitably a place for false assumptions to take place. That goes for jumping to conclusions as well. Emotionally, I feel like God is nowhere to be found. I feel like I've sinned such a great sin that He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I feel like I'm always alone. But none of these things are true. While my heart tells me otherwise, I know for a fact that God keeps His promises, bar none.
Heart, you're feeling lonely? Behold, I say unto you these three scriptures; "Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; even there shall thy hand lead me, and they right hand shall hold me." (Psalm 139:7-10) "The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil and the good." (Proverbs 15:3) "Am I a God at hand, saith the Lord, and not a God afar off? Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the Lord. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the Lord." (Jeremiah 23:23-24)
Heart, you're feeling you have sinned? Perhaps you have. Read Psalm 51: "Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness. O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise. For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise."
Heart, I've listened to your lies all my life until just recently. Now I'm listening to what the prophet Jeremiah, a genuine prophet of the Almighty, told me about you: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9)
"It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." (Psalm 118:8)
People may say all sorts of things to me regarding my situations in my current life, but my response is on this wise: ". . . If God be for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31) Behold, I shall endeavor to keep my soul steadfast in His promises and stand true to Him. Anointing is the favor of God. And it is the anointing that breaks the yokes of bondage. I yearn for that anointing. May our lives be full of eagerness to please Him - not ourselves, not our friends or foes, but solely Him!
"I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." (Psalm 37:25)
Living a righteous life in a corrupt world is the most difficult thing to do, but it will be worth it all in the end.
Right now, I'm in a trusting time.
In my understanding of things, it seems that trusting God is one thing, but God trusting us is an entirely different story. I think there are times when God just lays back and takes the role of a spectator, seeing how we react in situations. There are times when He speaks, and times when He is silent. As I earlier implied, God is silent to me right now. In times like this, perhaps He records whether we still make the efforts to pray, trusting that He hears us (which He does), make the efforts to abstain from sinful desires, make the efforts to read His Word, etc.
Right now, in my mere human heart, it seems that God is ignoring me right now, but logically, I understand that the heart is deceitful above all things. I've come up with a theory that where there is a lack of communication, there is inevitably a place for false assumptions to take place. That goes for jumping to conclusions as well. Emotionally, I feel like God is nowhere to be found. I feel like I've sinned such a great sin that He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I feel like I'm always alone. But none of these things are true. While my heart tells me otherwise, I know for a fact that God keeps His promises, bar none.
Heart, you're feeling lonely? Behold, I say unto you these three scriptures; "Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; even there shall thy hand lead me, and they right hand shall hold me." (Psalm 139:7-10) "The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil and the good." (Proverbs 15:3) "Am I a God at hand, saith the Lord, and not a God afar off? Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the Lord. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the Lord." (Jeremiah 23:23-24)
Heart, you're feeling you have sinned? Perhaps you have. Read Psalm 51: "Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness. O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise. For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise."
Heart, I've listened to your lies all my life until just recently. Now I'm listening to what the prophet Jeremiah, a genuine prophet of the Almighty, told me about you: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9)
"It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." (Psalm 118:8)
People may say all sorts of things to me regarding my situations in my current life, but my response is on this wise: ". . . If God be for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31) Behold, I shall endeavor to keep my soul steadfast in His promises and stand true to Him. Anointing is the favor of God. And it is the anointing that breaks the yokes of bondage. I yearn for that anointing. May our lives be full of eagerness to please Him - not ourselves, not our friends or foes, but solely Him!
"I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." (Psalm 37:25)
Living a righteous life in a corrupt world is the most difficult thing to do, but it will be worth it all in the end.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
My AMAZING Day!
Seeing friends of like faith that one hasn't seen in a while is like water in a dry and thirsty land.
I spent most of the day with Becca today. We had planned on going out for lunch for Indian cuisine. Before I left to go to her house, I researched some Indian restaurants online nearby her place. The one that stood out the most was about 30 minutes away. Since it's been awhile since I've had any long-distance drive, I figured I'd go for it.
Becca and I took that journey mainly down Fond du Lac Ave. to downtown Milwaukee. Though it was mainly through the dirty parts of the city - the ghetto, if you will - it was a trip down memory lane for me. We passed the elementary school I attended from preschool to the middle of fourth grade. The playground looked so tiny, but back in the day, I remember thinking it was so huge! There were so many other places we passed that brought me back to childhood, including my former daycare center, my dad's former bar, the farmer's market, certain restaurants and stores my dad used to take me to, etc. Much of that route was my bus route back in the day too when the school bus picked me up from the daycare and brought me to school.
After a little confusion regarding the whereabouts of our destination, we finally found the Maharaja Restaurant planted along a one-way street. There was no parking space in its direct vicinity, so we had to find a place. After a little difficulty searching for one, we finally found one a block away in a residential area. Good thing I know how to parallel park. WOO!!! LoL.
We arrived in the door around two o'clock. It was CRAZY busy! Though we got seated right away, there was quite a line at the buffet line, which was what we came for. It's cheaper than a single entrée, there's more variety, it's all-you-can-eat, and it was served until 3 o'clock.
I loved the variety of heritages in the restaurant. The majority of the customers were Indian, but there were also many Asians, and a few Caucasians. We immediately intermingled in the diverse line, eager to feed our bellies, which were deep voids at the time, lol. The view of the delightful smorgasbords from a slight distance were teasing our palates. (ROFL, that was just fun to say.) After quickly tolerating the hot temperature of the dinner plates, coming right out of the dishwasher, we immediately loaded our plates up with sweet foreign victuals, hesitatingly adding small amounts of the unrecognizable delicacies.
One of the new things I tried that I liked the most was the coconut soup. One could consider it a dessert because it was fairly sweet. Now that I think about it, I should find a recipe for it. It had the consistency of skim milk. It also had cashew pieces in it, which were slightly soggy but good to taste. On my dinner plate, I had a very wide assortment of pretty much everything that didn't scare me, lol. There was this chicken in the buffet that I didn't dare to touch because it was obviously basted with red dye. EWW!!! That ain't natural. I was a bit too weirded out to try the goat. I stuck to the chicken and vegetables. Not too many Indian restaurants serve beef due to their religious beliefs of the cow being a sacred animal. I assume it's mainly the Americanized ones that serve it. The first time I went to an Indian restaurant was with my parents, Becca, and with my mom's coworker and his family. They were an Indian family from Sri Lanka. My mom saw beef on the menu and thought to inquire of their beliefs on it. Her coworker responded saying that he and his family didn't eat beef because of the sanctity of the cow, but he also said he wouldn't be offended if any of us order it.
Anyway, I would highly recommend the Maharaja Restaurant. Again, it's in downtown East Milwaukee on Farewell Ave. Just google it if you want to go there.
OH!!! I forgot to mention the "cheese ball in sweet syrup." That was very interesting. It wasn't disgusting, but it wouldn't exactly be something I'd ever order off the menu, lol. It tasted like macaroni and cheese, soul food style, soaked in watered-down maple syrup. It looked like a little ball of bread, sort of like a donut hole. Rice pudding is pretty good - a weird consistency though. Imagine eating bits of soggy rice swimming in milk. The consistency of that resembles very watery cottage cheese with small curds. Can't really complain about the bread pudding though. It's like coffee cake.
After a while, we ventured to Robert's Custard on Mequon Rd. in Germantown, WI. Becca and I went there a while back and I insisted that we share the turtle sundae. This time, I let her pick the flavor that we'd share since I avoided doing it the previous time, lol. Caramel Apple Sundae. It was good, but I'm not really a big fan of fleshy fruit in my ice cream or custard. The occasional fresh berry is okay, but I like chocolate or cacao, lol. I got to eat the cherry though!!! Yay!! That's the extent of my intake of Red #40.
We met up with our friend Jessie at Goodwill (thrift store). We had epic times trying on clothes and what not for about a good hour or so. We went to Culver's (burger joint) for some food. I was still rather full from lunch, but Jessie hadn't eaten much this day so this trip was mainly for her. Becca got a salad. As we were leaving I started craving a kid's meal, but I was too lazy to get it, lol.
Then we went to the infamous WAL-MART and spent about two hours there wandering around. As we were in the checkout line, I noticed in my peripheral vision a girl behind me who looked vaguely familiar. Several seconds later, I heard the girl behind me exclaim, "Aaron!?!?" It turned out to be my niece, Kiana. We hadn't seen each other in years. She had her beautiful daughter with her in the cart whom I hadn't got to meet. She seemed about two years old, I think. I really need to get in touch with my family a lot better. It was so good to see her again. I guess one could say she's a "half-niece" since she's the daughter of my half-sister, Lonnie.
Well after saying goodbye to my beloved friends, who were off to jazz concert - Jessie's dad was playing in it -, we went our separate ways. Only minutes after I pulled out of my parking spot, something unexpected happened. Driving down Appleton Ave., as I approached the intersection of County Line Rd., the light turned yellow. I was only a few feet away from the crosswalk when the light turned yellow, so I had no time to stop before. As I continued, I noticed a car coming from oncoming traffic attempting to make a left turn in front of me. Apparently, it was a misjudgment of timing on their part. Out of instinct I slammed on the brakes, as did they. One of us had to go faster to get out of the other's way, but we both tried to do that at the same time. This individual beat me, but Rhonda the Honda (my car) was still going a bit fast as my anti-lock brakes were kicking in. I ended up hitting the back of this person's car with the right side of Rhonda's bumper. It wasn't anything too damaging, but enough to cause us both to feel the impact. Since the light had turned red at this point, we couldn't just sit there in the middle of the intersection, so we both continued on in different directions. I turned into the nearest parking lot, hoping they would come find me, but I think they just drove off. Perhaps they thought I did too. It was a difficult call to make.
Rhonda is fine. No damage or anything - not even a single scratch. I'm perfectly fine. I was just shaking a little bit afterward due to surprise effect. I just parked in a random parking lot, got out to check out my car, and left the scene. There was nothing else I could do. I'm pretty sure the other person was fine. The impact seemed nothing greater than one would experience in a bumper car at the amusement park.
Again, this makes me want to say that we are never promised tomorrow. Who knows when our lives, or the life of someone else we know, can be taken in an instant?
I am so grateful for God's favor upon me.
I spent most of the day with Becca today. We had planned on going out for lunch for Indian cuisine. Before I left to go to her house, I researched some Indian restaurants online nearby her place. The one that stood out the most was about 30 minutes away. Since it's been awhile since I've had any long-distance drive, I figured I'd go for it.
Becca and I took that journey mainly down Fond du Lac Ave. to downtown Milwaukee. Though it was mainly through the dirty parts of the city - the ghetto, if you will - it was a trip down memory lane for me. We passed the elementary school I attended from preschool to the middle of fourth grade. The playground looked so tiny, but back in the day, I remember thinking it was so huge! There were so many other places we passed that brought me back to childhood, including my former daycare center, my dad's former bar, the farmer's market, certain restaurants and stores my dad used to take me to, etc. Much of that route was my bus route back in the day too when the school bus picked me up from the daycare and brought me to school.
After a little confusion regarding the whereabouts of our destination, we finally found the Maharaja Restaurant planted along a one-way street. There was no parking space in its direct vicinity, so we had to find a place. After a little difficulty searching for one, we finally found one a block away in a residential area. Good thing I know how to parallel park. WOO!!! LoL.
We arrived in the door around two o'clock. It was CRAZY busy! Though we got seated right away, there was quite a line at the buffet line, which was what we came for. It's cheaper than a single entrée, there's more variety, it's all-you-can-eat, and it was served until 3 o'clock.
I loved the variety of heritages in the restaurant. The majority of the customers were Indian, but there were also many Asians, and a few Caucasians. We immediately intermingled in the diverse line, eager to feed our bellies, which were deep voids at the time, lol. The view of the delightful smorgasbords from a slight distance were teasing our palates. (ROFL, that was just fun to say.) After quickly tolerating the hot temperature of the dinner plates, coming right out of the dishwasher, we immediately loaded our plates up with sweet foreign victuals, hesitatingly adding small amounts of the unrecognizable delicacies.
One of the new things I tried that I liked the most was the coconut soup. One could consider it a dessert because it was fairly sweet. Now that I think about it, I should find a recipe for it. It had the consistency of skim milk. It also had cashew pieces in it, which were slightly soggy but good to taste. On my dinner plate, I had a very wide assortment of pretty much everything that didn't scare me, lol. There was this chicken in the buffet that I didn't dare to touch because it was obviously basted with red dye. EWW!!! That ain't natural. I was a bit too weirded out to try the goat. I stuck to the chicken and vegetables. Not too many Indian restaurants serve beef due to their religious beliefs of the cow being a sacred animal. I assume it's mainly the Americanized ones that serve it. The first time I went to an Indian restaurant was with my parents, Becca, and with my mom's coworker and his family. They were an Indian family from Sri Lanka. My mom saw beef on the menu and thought to inquire of their beliefs on it. Her coworker responded saying that he and his family didn't eat beef because of the sanctity of the cow, but he also said he wouldn't be offended if any of us order it.
Anyway, I would highly recommend the Maharaja Restaurant. Again, it's in downtown East Milwaukee on Farewell Ave. Just google it if you want to go there.
OH!!! I forgot to mention the "cheese ball in sweet syrup." That was very interesting. It wasn't disgusting, but it wouldn't exactly be something I'd ever order off the menu, lol. It tasted like macaroni and cheese, soul food style, soaked in watered-down maple syrup. It looked like a little ball of bread, sort of like a donut hole. Rice pudding is pretty good - a weird consistency though. Imagine eating bits of soggy rice swimming in milk. The consistency of that resembles very watery cottage cheese with small curds. Can't really complain about the bread pudding though. It's like coffee cake.
After a while, we ventured to Robert's Custard on Mequon Rd. in Germantown, WI. Becca and I went there a while back and I insisted that we share the turtle sundae. This time, I let her pick the flavor that we'd share since I avoided doing it the previous time, lol. Caramel Apple Sundae. It was good, but I'm not really a big fan of fleshy fruit in my ice cream or custard. The occasional fresh berry is okay, but I like chocolate or cacao, lol. I got to eat the cherry though!!! Yay!! That's the extent of my intake of Red #40.
We met up with our friend Jessie at Goodwill (thrift store). We had epic times trying on clothes and what not for about a good hour or so. We went to Culver's (burger joint) for some food. I was still rather full from lunch, but Jessie hadn't eaten much this day so this trip was mainly for her. Becca got a salad. As we were leaving I started craving a kid's meal, but I was too lazy to get it, lol.
Then we went to the infamous WAL-MART and spent about two hours there wandering around. As we were in the checkout line, I noticed in my peripheral vision a girl behind me who looked vaguely familiar. Several seconds later, I heard the girl behind me exclaim, "Aaron!?!?" It turned out to be my niece, Kiana. We hadn't seen each other in years. She had her beautiful daughter with her in the cart whom I hadn't got to meet. She seemed about two years old, I think. I really need to get in touch with my family a lot better. It was so good to see her again. I guess one could say she's a "half-niece" since she's the daughter of my half-sister, Lonnie.
Well after saying goodbye to my beloved friends, who were off to jazz concert - Jessie's dad was playing in it -, we went our separate ways. Only minutes after I pulled out of my parking spot, something unexpected happened. Driving down Appleton Ave., as I approached the intersection of County Line Rd., the light turned yellow. I was only a few feet away from the crosswalk when the light turned yellow, so I had no time to stop before. As I continued, I noticed a car coming from oncoming traffic attempting to make a left turn in front of me. Apparently, it was a misjudgment of timing on their part. Out of instinct I slammed on the brakes, as did they. One of us had to go faster to get out of the other's way, but we both tried to do that at the same time. This individual beat me, but Rhonda the Honda (my car) was still going a bit fast as my anti-lock brakes were kicking in. I ended up hitting the back of this person's car with the right side of Rhonda's bumper. It wasn't anything too damaging, but enough to cause us both to feel the impact. Since the light had turned red at this point, we couldn't just sit there in the middle of the intersection, so we both continued on in different directions. I turned into the nearest parking lot, hoping they would come find me, but I think they just drove off. Perhaps they thought I did too. It was a difficult call to make.
Rhonda is fine. No damage or anything - not even a single scratch. I'm perfectly fine. I was just shaking a little bit afterward due to surprise effect. I just parked in a random parking lot, got out to check out my car, and left the scene. There was nothing else I could do. I'm pretty sure the other person was fine. The impact seemed nothing greater than one would experience in a bumper car at the amusement park.
Again, this makes me want to say that we are never promised tomorrow. Who knows when our lives, or the life of someone else we know, can be taken in an instant?
I am so grateful for God's favor upon me.
Friday, September 18, 2009
I Am a Bird
The archaic phrase is still in effect; "birds of a feather flock together."
I am a bird with marvelous plumage.
No two of my feathers are exactly alike.
One could say I have one of ev'ry color of the rainbow
But that is an understatement.
Rainbows only have seven colors,
I also have black, and white, and brown, etc.
Because of my diversity, I often stand alone.
There is no flock in which I fit right in.
Only a few of my feathers fit in.
The rest of me is an art museum.
The art cannot be touched with trouble stirring up.
I can only give certain pieces of me to certain flocks.
Birds of a feather flock together.
Which flock shall I join?
I love all my feathers.
Any birds out there with as many diverse feathers as I?
We can compare and contrast our quirks.
Let us walk in unison, enjoying shallow fellowship of the masses.
Birds of diverse feathers can't fly from certain tethers.
-------------------------------------
Now I'm going to tell you in plain English my dilemma.
Of all the people I've ever known and loved, it was very difficult for me to relate. I would always have a bit of something in common with someone, but it would be at a completely different degree. Not only that, but everything else was so contradicting. Jesus is the only One whom I have everything in common with. He's the only One whom I can be completely myself in front of. No one else understands me or my ways.
I have learned to accommodate all people into my life regardless of differences. If they respond to me in like manner, we maintain a decent friendship, but there is always a distance there. This distance is mutually exerted as a sign of respect towards our differences - agreeing to disagree, if you will.
It would be a great desire of mine to meet someone in which agrees with every one of my philosophies and such. The only one I'd ever change for is Jesus if He so requires of me to do so, otherwise, I ain't changing for nobody! I don't expect another to change for my sake either. Destiny is not in our control.
Though I'm a loner at heart, my hopes will never die.
Letting My Brain Loose
I really miss the days when I had so much time on my hands.
Anxiety rarely affects me physically anymore, but in general, I'm a fairly anxious person. This anxiety derives from my ongoing fetish of perfection. Due to my personality, I tend to notice things that people rarely pay attention to. I even notice this in the work environment. At my current job, the boxes strolling along the conveyor belt will occasionally jam up and get stuck. Since I am naturally soft-spoken, I either a) fix the problem myself if I'm able to and/or nearby, b) wait anxiously and hope for someone else to fix it, or c) tell someone by me to yell across the warehouse, "FIX THOSE BOXES!!!" Anyway, the point is that I'm usually the first one to notice things.
The world has lost its fervor for intelligence and wisdom. Most people are so obsessed with foolishness and fun. It doesn't help that they're proud about it too. They see elegance and sophistication as boring and uncool. I find that so peculiar and somewhat disturbing. The earth has become a very trashy place over the years. Whatever happened to the simple ways of living? It is written in the Bible that God is not the author of confusion. Since atheism is fairly prominent these days, confusion has been permeating the masses. They just don't know what hit them. What breaks my heart is that so many people lost respect not only for others, but for themselves! Decorum is sadly outdated these present days. *sigh*
The way we act outwardly is often the way we feel inwardly. Of course, we can bottle everything up, but eventually everything will come out one way or another. I notice that most people who become cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ become more sophisticated in nature and in character. Such a great love can cause us to do the unthinkable.
To some people, God is merely a belief; to others, myself included, God is fact and reality. These are those who have received full truth. God makes himself known to them who desperately want to know Him. What drew me to Jesus was His perfection. I love reading in the Gospels how no man or woman could ever bring Him down. He always gave a simple, yet bold and flawless response that shut up the haters by causing them to realize their own fallacies. He always knows how to handle people correctly too. He knew to save some by using compassion and making a positive difference in their lives; yet He knew to save others with fear, pulling them out of the fire. (See Jude 22-23) I love the fact that He's everything we need Him to be. For me, He's always been my shoulder to cry on, my father, my mother, my brother, my sister, my friend, my master, my slave (when my heart is pure), my husband, my wife, my healer, my mentor, my guide, etc. Those who reject Jesus never knew Him. They only either a) believe what people have falsely said about Him, or b) have only read the Old Testament. Most Christians have a habit of giving their God a bad name. We are a product of the one we love the most. A hateful and judgmental "Christian" gives the false illusion of God being hateful and wrongfully judgmental. A loving and liberal "Christian" gives the false illusion of God being being fine with everything. True children of God reflect the unadulterated true personality of God. No one can change who God is - only change the ways people see Him. He will never change regardless of what people say.
God's judgment is always rightful, just, purposeful, and done out of love. Where would we be without correction? We aren't always right, we know. (I have to read that last phrase over a few times, lol). Though I am obsessed with perfection, I am never perfect. Granted, there are some things I cannot change, but there is occasionally something I do that I think and feel is right, but is indeed wrong. God corrects me. For many, it hurts to be corrected, but it is so healthy for the soul. Woe to those who take offense at being corrected.
Jesus is the sole Creator of love. He is the REAL god of romance. We are the object of His desire. He is the prime stalker of us all, and I'm not the least weirded out by that. Who can deny the perfect gentlemen who is so wholeheartedly interested in us? Not I. In life, I try my best to let Jesus know that He is always welcome with me wherever I go. I always want the environments I'm in to be okay for Him. I don't want to go anywhere He doesn't want to go.
It bothers me how people tend to focus on what they cannot do as Christians. That mentality causes them to never be satisfied with anything. It's the oldest trick in the Book. The serpent caused Eve to see the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good evil as something that God was holding back from her.
When you go into a nice restaurant and browse through your menu, do you not let your cravings jump from entree to entree? One thing sounds good. Another thing sounds good, causing you to gradually forget the initial entree you considered. Whatever we put in front of our eyes, as long as it appeals to us, we begin to crave more and more of it. We can only focus on one thing at a time. With this in mind, we must realize that we can manipulate the way we live our lives.
The only way Christians can gain holiness is by receiving a continual touch from the Almighty. The more we include God in our lives, the more we crave Him. Those who have been truly touched by Him know right along with me that He is downright ADDICTIVE!!! If I spend long amounts of time doing other things, not incorporating Him, I'd forget about Him. It happens. Our minds, so often, become consumed with what's going on around us.
There's so much we can do to live a good life.
Ahh, now my brain feels relaxed. :-)
Anxiety rarely affects me physically anymore, but in general, I'm a fairly anxious person. This anxiety derives from my ongoing fetish of perfection. Due to my personality, I tend to notice things that people rarely pay attention to. I even notice this in the work environment. At my current job, the boxes strolling along the conveyor belt will occasionally jam up and get stuck. Since I am naturally soft-spoken, I either a) fix the problem myself if I'm able to and/or nearby, b) wait anxiously and hope for someone else to fix it, or c) tell someone by me to yell across the warehouse, "FIX THOSE BOXES!!!" Anyway, the point is that I'm usually the first one to notice things.
The world has lost its fervor for intelligence and wisdom. Most people are so obsessed with foolishness and fun. It doesn't help that they're proud about it too. They see elegance and sophistication as boring and uncool. I find that so peculiar and somewhat disturbing. The earth has become a very trashy place over the years. Whatever happened to the simple ways of living? It is written in the Bible that God is not the author of confusion. Since atheism is fairly prominent these days, confusion has been permeating the masses. They just don't know what hit them. What breaks my heart is that so many people lost respect not only for others, but for themselves! Decorum is sadly outdated these present days. *sigh*
The way we act outwardly is often the way we feel inwardly. Of course, we can bottle everything up, but eventually everything will come out one way or another. I notice that most people who become cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ become more sophisticated in nature and in character. Such a great love can cause us to do the unthinkable.
To some people, God is merely a belief; to others, myself included, God is fact and reality. These are those who have received full truth. God makes himself known to them who desperately want to know Him. What drew me to Jesus was His perfection. I love reading in the Gospels how no man or woman could ever bring Him down. He always gave a simple, yet bold and flawless response that shut up the haters by causing them to realize their own fallacies. He always knows how to handle people correctly too. He knew to save some by using compassion and making a positive difference in their lives; yet He knew to save others with fear, pulling them out of the fire. (See Jude 22-23) I love the fact that He's everything we need Him to be. For me, He's always been my shoulder to cry on, my father, my mother, my brother, my sister, my friend, my master, my slave (when my heart is pure), my husband, my wife, my healer, my mentor, my guide, etc. Those who reject Jesus never knew Him. They only either a) believe what people have falsely said about Him, or b) have only read the Old Testament. Most Christians have a habit of giving their God a bad name. We are a product of the one we love the most. A hateful and judgmental "Christian" gives the false illusion of God being hateful and wrongfully judgmental. A loving and liberal "Christian" gives the false illusion of God being being fine with everything. True children of God reflect the unadulterated true personality of God. No one can change who God is - only change the ways people see Him. He will never change regardless of what people say.
God's judgment is always rightful, just, purposeful, and done out of love. Where would we be without correction? We aren't always right, we know. (I have to read that last phrase over a few times, lol). Though I am obsessed with perfection, I am never perfect. Granted, there are some things I cannot change, but there is occasionally something I do that I think and feel is right, but is indeed wrong. God corrects me. For many, it hurts to be corrected, but it is so healthy for the soul. Woe to those who take offense at being corrected.
Jesus is the sole Creator of love. He is the REAL god of romance. We are the object of His desire. He is the prime stalker of us all, and I'm not the least weirded out by that. Who can deny the perfect gentlemen who is so wholeheartedly interested in us? Not I. In life, I try my best to let Jesus know that He is always welcome with me wherever I go. I always want the environments I'm in to be okay for Him. I don't want to go anywhere He doesn't want to go.
It bothers me how people tend to focus on what they cannot do as Christians. That mentality causes them to never be satisfied with anything. It's the oldest trick in the Book. The serpent caused Eve to see the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good evil as something that God was holding back from her.
When you go into a nice restaurant and browse through your menu, do you not let your cravings jump from entree to entree? One thing sounds good. Another thing sounds good, causing you to gradually forget the initial entree you considered. Whatever we put in front of our eyes, as long as it appeals to us, we begin to crave more and more of it. We can only focus on one thing at a time. With this in mind, we must realize that we can manipulate the way we live our lives.
The only way Christians can gain holiness is by receiving a continual touch from the Almighty. The more we include God in our lives, the more we crave Him. Those who have been truly touched by Him know right along with me that He is downright ADDICTIVE!!! If I spend long amounts of time doing other things, not incorporating Him, I'd forget about Him. It happens. Our minds, so often, become consumed with what's going on around us.
There's so much we can do to live a good life.
Ahh, now my brain feels relaxed. :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)