Gradual Personality Alterations

It is no secret that I am often silent. For all of my life I've been this way. However, over the past several months, perhaps longer, the reasons as to why I stay silent have changed. The first 21-ish years of my life, I was silent because I was shy. People scared me. I cared so much about what people thought of me. Their opinions shaped me. Since people's opinions clashed, my general personality always changed with whoever I was with.

Over the past several months, I have developed quite a backbone. Staying silent is no longer my fetter of fear, but my conscious choice. I went from being fairly fickle to being overly opinionated. I've become sufficiently steadfast in my character, that is, until someone offers me something better, which is highly rare. Jesus is always offering me something better. He can point out the flaws in my opinions, philosophies, and theories better than anyone else I know. Other than that, there isn't much that impresses or coerces me, in all honesty. The term "open-mindedness" refers to the willingness to consider new ideas. In other words, it implies the act of not judging a book by its cover. It invites new insight or experience of matters, whether appealing or not, into one's life. Narrow-mindedness would be another term for willful ignorance. People who "just don't want to hear it" are narrow-minded.

There is so much junk in this world today that I simply won't accept. Most, if not all, of those things I have never experienced personally. Those who delight in those things could call me close-minded, but I disagree. I don't shut things out of my life unless I'm familiar with them and learn to loathe what they are. Quite frankly, there are many things that I'm not open to experiencing and am completely closed off to due to all things I hear about them. And I don't base that off of one man's point of view, but off many's. A few witnesses describing the same matter in opposing ways is enough for me to base my opinion for that matter. Their experiences are just as good as if I was to experience a matter firsthand, in my opinion. In some things people find guilty pleasure in, I see nothing but negative. The positive is only temporary and not worth the negative consequences that come with it. One good way to avoid temptation is to meditate on all the negatives of whatever that temptation may be. Sometimes, the hardcore truth of a matter is sheer negative. You just gotta brush the sugarcoating off.

I've learned not to dive so quickly into things that are pleasing to the eyes. That's the first red flag. Outward appearance is rarely a reflection of the inward reality. Satan once manifested himself as an angel of light - lovely on the outside, rotten to the core. Deceptive.

Anyway, the reason I stay silent is because I'm not one to cause a scene, though I must say, I'm reconsidering. Then again, there are certain ways to do things. I would that all be right with God. That inner desire urges me to bring rebuke to all sorts of people. However, rebuke can easily be interpreted as an expression of hatred if performed incorrectly. It should always be done in love. That brings up another reason why I remain silent: I need to learn the correct way to rebuke in a loving manner and have the guts to do it. We are free to correct someone as long as we don't suffer with the same transgression. Consider the man with the beam in his eye trying to correct the man with the mote in his eye. A mote is basically a particle of the same substance of what the beam is made of.

Well, I think I pretty much said what I wanted to say.

For those who understand Greek temperaments, I've gone from Phlegmatic-Melancholy to Melancholy-Choleric. Of course, my choleric is a little weak but it's gaining much momentum. Actually, I'm probably more Melancholy-Phlegmatic now, but my phlegmatic side is dropping quickly. The older I grow, the less sentimental and the more practical I become.

My life is certainly an interesting story.