From the Heart

It's been while since I just vented. I'm sure many of you are wondering how I am.

One would imagine I'd be depressed, but surprisingly (even to me), I'm not. Depression was my best friend for many, many years, but now Jesus is. Therefore, I know what it's like to be depressed, carrying what seems like literal baggage, feeling so alone, lacking interest in everything, even my favorite things, etc.

Though I am alone a vast majority of the time, I never feel alone anymore. Jesus and I have grown so closely together that I can always feel Him walking with me. I've matured enough to be confident in the love that He has for me, regardless of my shortcomings, and that He will always do that which is right by me. For He's given me a love that I never thought I could find (or think to exist), let alone deserve. His Word is like an oasis in a dry and thirsty land. It's an escape for me. It is like reading my own genealogy; for us Gentiles are adopted in the Royal Family. Many of us live like the poor in this earth, but in the afterlife, we shall live like kings and queens, being raised incorruptible, having royal blood flowing through our veins! It's amazing to see these Bible stories, which some say to be fairy tales, come alive in people's lives this present hour. There is coming a day, and now is, when atheists will have nothing left to say; for God will manifest Himself.

Anyway, though I never feel alone, though I am joyful, I have lost interest in many things, even my favorite things. Playing piano for hours isn't enough to satisfy me anymore. Even surfing the net, maintaining all the accounts I have on various social networks, isn't enough me for anymore. The one thing that interests me is people and to see them succeed.

What is success?

To the godless world, success is achieved in a relationship, in a career, etc. Whatever people give themselves to is what they become. Have you seen professional artists, whether of this day or in years past? Art is an expression of sheer emotion in visible form. People channel all their emotions via a paintbrush on a canvas, a mouse and keyboard into Adobe Illustrator or what not, etc. Art is an expression of whom its creator is. I know these things because before I knew Jesus, art was my religion. And I am no longer ignorant of this. Art is the religion, the artist (or self) is the god. In a subtle and somewhat indirect way, artists (keep in mind that I'm referring to the extremists who invest all their lives into art) worship themselves. What you worship is what you give all your time, love, and attention to. In the long run, at the end of their lives, artists physically resemble their artwork. Most artists are very troubled. To look at one's finished masterpiece is to look into a mirror, seeing a reflection of him- or herself.

We literally become a slave to what we worship because love is our greatest weakness. Well, love is one thing, worship is a higher level up. Worship is wired into every human being. Anything we are addicted to is a god to us. Cigarettes are a god to the smoker. Alcohol is a to the drinker. Since worship is our weakness, whatever we worship can easily manipulate us to do ANYTHING. And we are completely helpless. That is the dangerous thing in our world today. There are spirits out there who are wired to destroy us. Wisdom is a very powerful thing, but it can be used either for good or for evil. Spirits are much wiser than us, but demonic spirits use that wisdom for evil. But those of us who have come to know and love Jesus, we have unlimited access to the wisdom of God, which is much higher than that of the angels and demons. That is why we are not ignorant of the devil's devices.

If you are in bondage to a ruthless, merciless, hateful god, be it smoking, drugs, drinking, pornography, depression, sex, etc., you are in luck because Jesus is here to bring good news, to set the captive free, to heal the brokenhearted. To repent is to admit mistake. Repentance is the key to God's heart. Baptism in Jesus' name washes away wrongdoing. Here it from thousands and thousands of people who have experienced this baptism, that when they came up out of the water, they felt a literal load lifted. They felt lighter. They felt clean inside. But the key to recovery from hateful gods is the Holy Ghost a.k.a. the Comforter.

If you are still in addiction to something that eats away at you, either you do not have the Holy Ghost or you are not submitting to it. If you are willingly not submitting to it, you don't really love God; for no man can serve two masters. I'm not passing judgment on anyone here, but I am just stating facts.

Jesus is such a mercy-shower. There once was a point in my life when I practically kissed the point of no return, ready to shut myself off from God. But I still had a burning ember left in me of a love that I had for God, for He always did that which was right by me. He never betrayed me. I was angry at Him for quite a while because He had wounded me, but I failed to realize that it was for my own good. How many of us have tried to dive into a world that would have killed us in the end, but at the time we thought was so lovely? Sometimes the Lord has to wound us to keep us from doing something that He knows, by foreknowledge, that in the long run will do more harm than good to us. This reminds of a story of a sheep with a broken leg. The shepherd had to break it because it kept running away. It would run near to the edge of a cliff, often leading other sheep astray. It would graze by wolves' dwellings. When the sheep could not walk anymore, the shepherd attempted to bring him food and water, but the sheep would try to bite him after the pain he caused him. After coming back to him several hours later, the shepherd tried again, for he loved him. After a while, the sheep began to lick its shepherd's hand, for he then realized how much his life depended on him. Eventually he became the star sheep, being a perfect role model for the other sheep.

As the scripture saith, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." (Proverbs 27:8) Also Hebrews 12:11, "Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby."

Basically, sometimes the Lord has to wound us in order to prevent us from a much greater wound or death from danger otherwise. This is a difficult concept to come to accept, but if you realize the love He has for you, you will thank Him in the end. I'm so glad the Lord wounded me when He did. I'm sure many would agree. "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons." (Hebrews 12:6-8)

In other words, if the Lord wounds you, you are loved and blessed. If the Lord just leaves you alone and lets you live life the way you want to, you should be scared. None of us are perfect. By the way, He only corrects us if we are doing something wrong that we don't realize is wrong. Once we know it's wrong, it's up to us to fix. God will help us if we ask him, for "if any of us lacks wisdom, let us ask of God who gives to all men liberally, and upbraideth not, and it shall be given us." (James 1:5) God does not get involved in the affairs of man unless one invites him in. He won't override your will with his.

The purpose of prayer is to open up a door for God to move through in the world. God does nothing but in answer to prayer. We are merely vessels for Him to move through. Sin clogs the vessel. God is where His people are. It is the anointing that breaks the yoke of bondage. Anointing is the favor of God. Anointed preaching is truly anointed if God confirms it by performing signs and wonders.

If we want to see God work in our lives, we have to be willing to get rid of the messes. We must purge ourselves of what we can, and strive to do so for the rest of what we can't, having the Lord fight for us. I'm telling you this as a mere human being from experience. THIS IS TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!

Well, what was intended to be a personal blog from my heart, turned out to be from God's heart, lol.

Basically, what I wanted to say is that I am weak. I must get out to where the people are. I need people and people need me. Let us exchange personal insight and such. The Ten Commandments of the Old Testament were summed up into two commandments by Jesus in the New Testament. That is to "Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." And also to "love thy neighbor as thyself." "On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." (Matthew 22:37, 39-40)

I struggle with being stuck up, basically put. My standards in everything are very high. These aren't necessarily Christian standards, but just personal ones. They're a part of who I am. However, they create a rather large barrier between me and other people. It is my desire to step around the barrier and to socialize. I'm no better than anyone else. Jesus, who is King of kings and Lord of lords, when He walked upon the earth, was Servant of servants. He literally laid down His life for His friends. What have I done for my friends? What have I done to even maintain a friendship? I've missed out on so many opportunities of possessing highly influential friends, who would've richly blessed my life, merely because of lack of communication from my part. I've spent a lifetime of overcoming fears; and this is my last fear to conquer - people.

It would be a blessing to me if many of you, like the Lord does, would wound me. Too many people apologize to me for "bothering" me. In reality, I need your "bothering" to break my pride. Underneath my usual cold, lifeless personality on the outside is a heart of gold. Time is a healer for me when it comes to breaking ice.

By the way, I'm primarily phlegmatic in nature, so you can tell me what to do and I'll most likely not decline, lol. I'm talking about in person though. I speak my mind from behind the veils of digitality, if that's even a word, hahaha. In other words, I have a habit of only speaking online in blogs like this, in texting, in emailing, etc.

This is a weird proposition for me to bring about, but do your best to annoy me. LoL. In a meaningful way, of course. Not like texting me "Hi, is this annoying?" 500 times. *clears throat loudly* ROFL!!!

Good grief, I'm by far too dignified.